


I Get So Low I Need a Little Pick Me Up

by pepperlandgirl4



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8260075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepperlandgirl4/pseuds/pepperlandgirl4
Summary: Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Uther, Merlin/Will, Merlin/Edwin (hints of Arthur/Vivien, Gwen/Lancelot)Summary: AU. Written for kinkme_merlin prompt: Merlin and Arthur don’t meet until after Merlin is already married to Arthur’s father, Uther.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Explict sex, references to child abuse, domestic abuse, underaged sex, and suicide.

And so I try to surround myself with real love  
You know the kind that make the wheels go round  
I get so low I need a little pick-me-up  
I get so high I need a bring-me-down 

 

All of Uther's friends snickered behind their hands and called Merlin a little gold digger. Unless they were already drunk on martinis, and then they weren't quite so coy about their feelings. On those nights, they called Merlin a whore, unmindful of who might hear. Merlin wasn't unaware of this fact. He wasn't surprised by it, either, though he didn't tend to think of himself in such unflattering terms. They both brought something specific to the relationship, and as far as Merlin knew, Uther didn't have any complaints.

Merlin didn't have any complaints, either. 

He spent most of his days kicking around Uther's palatial home, enjoying the decadent pool, the full-sized movie screen, the well-stocked wet bar, his brand new computer with the dual high-def monitors. When Uther wasn't home, Merlin invited Will and Lancelot over, and they raided the kitchen like the starving students they were. They regularly reminded Merlin of his good luck, squealing over the little luxuries that Merlin was already becoming accustomed to. 

"You have to admit, it's a pretty sweet deal," Will had said more than once. Merlin always did. It was a pretty sweet deal. He didn't think anything could disrupt his idyll. Not until the night Uther had fucked him with particular enthusiasm, pounding him into the mattress. 

"My son is coming home," Uther announced once they could both talk again. 

"Arthur?" 

"Yes." 

"I thought...I thought you said you and he didn't really see eye to eye?" Merlin asked, trying to summarize the situation as delicately as possible. Uther had actually told him that he hadn't exchanged words with his son in a year. Arthur hadn't even sent word that he heard of his father's wedding to the little gold-digging-twink everybody hated so much. 

"We don't. But Morgana is...unwell." 

Merlin's frown deepened. "What's wrong with Morgana?" The question just slipped out, even though he had no business asking it. Morgana was remarkably understanding and even patient with Merlin, but she made it clear she thought of him as more a favored pet than her father's partner. Merlin had to admit she probably had the most realistic view of the relationship, though he'd never say as much out loud. 

Uther sighed. "Her doctor thinks that if Morgana doesn't start responding to medication soon, we might have to hospitalize her for her own safety. Arthur is not keen on this plan, to put it mildly." 

"What does he think he can do? Does he know a secret treatment for bipolar disorder that her doctors don’t?" 

"He thinks he needs to protect Morgana from me," Uther said softly, pain etched into every word. Uther had his problems. He tended to prioritize work over his family, he was known to withhold affection, his temper sometimes got the better of him, exploding in a flash. But he genuinely loved both his children. Merlin didn't doubt that for a second.

"He's wrong. Everybody here knows you're doing everything you can to help Morgana. He probably doesn't know anything about the situation. When is he getting in?" 

Uther settled more comfortably against his pillows, tugging Merlin more firmly against his chest. "He told me he expects to be here at six. I plan to work from home tomorrow. I think I should be here when he meets you the first time." 

Merlin blanched. "What do you think he'll do to me?" 

"Sometimes he lets his temper get a hold of him." 

Like father, like son then. Merlin had only ever once been on the receiving end of the infamous Pendragon temper, and he wasn't eager to repeat the experience. He would be sure to give Arthur his space the next day. He knew Uther's son wouldn't like him and he had no intention to be a masochist about it.

 

Morgana showed up just after four, and Merlin took that as his sign to take himself elsewhere. He considered going for a swim, but then considered the possibility of meeting Arthur Pendragon in nothing more than the little speedo Uther liked him to wear. Merlin hadn't been embarrassed by anything in a long time, but the thought of meeting his husband's grown son when practically nude was just a bit too much for him. That was why he ended up fully dressed by the pool, beneath the shade of a wide umbrella, his ear buds blaring something Uther would find unbelievably obnoxious. 

Merlin pretended to read, his mind turning to Arthur again and again. He didn't even know what the guy looked like. Uther had a few pictures of him when he was still a child--his hair had looked white and his smile had been goofy and crooked. Most of the pictures had Uther standing in the background, tall and clearly impossibly proud of his boy. Merlin had also seen photos of Igraine, and he tried to imagine her fair, fine features combined with Uther's ruggedness. 

Merlin had to admit that the results would probably be gorgeous. Not that it mattered what Arthur looked like. He could have the face of an angel, Merlin wouldn't care. Especially since Arthur was probably going to hate him on sight. 

There was a lull in the music and Merlin caught the sound of a raised voice--an unfamiliar raised voice. Merlin paused and turned off his iPod, wondering who would dare shout like that while Morgana was visiting. Loud sounds gave her headaches, and shouting always caused her face to crumple with distress. Merlin jumped to his feet without thinking, hurrying to find out whoever was shouting and shut them up if he could. He was married to the guy who signed their checks--that usually afforded him some respect over the staff Uther employed to keep his home and grounds running smoothly. 

"Answer me! Did you do this?" 

"No, sir, no." 

A tall man with thick arms and blond hair glared down at Tony, his face red with fury. Tony backed up another step, shaking his head as he voiced more denials. He kept gesturing at the car, and Merlin finally caught what must have been the source of the fight. There was the barest dent in the Porche's passenger door. 

"Well somebody did," the man bit out. "It didn't get there by itself, and it wasn't there earlier today." 

"No, Mr. Pendragon, I was in the garage. I didn't do this." 

"Don't lie to me." Arthur grabbed the gardener by the shoulder and gave him a good shake. "What if I check the security cameras? Don't you think it would be better to confess?" 

"Hey," Merlin said sharply, surprised by the vindictiveness in Arthur's tone. "What's going on here?" 

Arthur looked up, eyes narrowed. "Who are you?" 

"Merlin Pendragon." 

"Oh," Arthur sneered. "So you're the flavor of the month." 

"That's me, and I'd thank you not to manhandle my gardener. If he said he didn't do it, then he didn't do it." 

Arthur released him and rudely shoved him aside. Merlin felt his irritation spike, and he refused to be intimidated as Arthur slowly approached. "I'll let it go now, but I suggest you mind your own business in the future." 

Merlin lifted his chin defiantly. "What happens in my home is my business." 

Arthur barked laughter, and Merlin realized several things at once. First, Arthur's teeth were very white. Second, his cologne was sharp and captivating. Third, he was standing far, far too close. Fourth, his parents really did produce a beautiful child. And finally, he was an even bigger asshole than Merlin had expected. "Your home? It's not your home, Merlin. You'll probably be locked out of it by this time next month. Now, if you'll excuse me." 

It was all Merlin could do to stop himself from tripping Arthur as he brushed past him. He followed Arthur to the front door, but made a detour once inside to the kitchens. It was time to add a little something to Arthur's food. Childish? Absolutely. Satisfying? Beyond a doubt. Especially since he could get his revenge and nobody would be the wiser. That was probably the best way to deal with his husband's obnoxious offspring.

 

#

"I'm not going to poison Arthur's food." 

"I never said anything about poisoning his food." 

"I'm not going to do anything to his food except prepare it with care and serve it proudly. Understood?" 

Merlin grimaced. "Gwen, come on. You should have seen the way he was treating Tony. No wonder he thinks he can get away with everything if the help won't even spit in his dinner." 

"He can get away with everything because he's Uther's son." 

"Estranged son. That ought to count for something." 

"Everybody knows Uther is hoping this will end the estrangement. It won't do any good to provoke Arthur. If he leaves, Uther will be completely unreasonable." 

Merlin folded his arms, half in a sulk. Uther would be quite furious if Arthur left, especially if the young man was shouting about worthless servants fucking up his food as he stomped out of the house. 

"He's a total ass," Merlin announced. 

Gwen nodded absently. "He might be better when Morgana is around." 

Merlin was not looking forward to dinner with those two freak-shows. He really did like Morgana, but people like Arthur tended to dominate a room, and Morgana might be eager to show her brother they're on the same side, united against this strange interloper in their home. 

"I think I'll eat dinner with you." 

"I don't think that's an option." 

"I'm not his slave. I can eat dinner where I want," Merlin said defensively. 

Only, it didn't work out that way either. Instead of taking a bowl of mac and cheese to his room like he wanted, he was wearing a change of clothes and sitting across the table from the man who could apparently get away with anything in life without consequences. 

The mean looking sneer from earlier was gone. His eyes were hard when he looked at Uther, but just the sight of Morgana made Arthur's face soften and a small smile emerge. He didn't look at Merlin at all, though they were sitting across from each other, and common sense dictated that Arthur would have to acknowledge him at least once. 

Conversation over dinner remained pointedly light. Nobody discussed Morgana's issues--and Morgana looked and sounded perfectly normal so Merlin supposed it would be rude to bring up her potential hospitalization at that point. Uther and Arthur exchanged words, but they were obviously superficial. Arthur asked about the company, Uther asked about Camelot Construction, they caught up on their mutual acquaintances (mostly CEOs and CFOs and the like). Merlin honestly couldn't say what was more uncomfortable. The parts where they were trying to speak to each other or the oppressive silence that fell over the table at longer and longer intervals. Poisoning somebody's food would have been a good idea. Their sudden collapse would have given the other three something to talk about, not to mention the fact that they'd be free from this awful night. Merlin was even willing to take that bullet. 

"So how long are we just going to pretend everything is normal around here?" Arthur demanded, the volume of his voice belying the amount of wine he'd consumed. 

Uther slowly brought his glass up to his mouth and calmly asked, "What do you mean?" 

"Did you really have to marry him?" 

"What I do in my private life is none of your concern," Uther said tightly. 

Merlin just wished he could hide under the table. 

"It is my concern when it's my inheritance on the line." 

"Your inheritance is secure, and you know it." 

"How can I possibly be sure of anything when you're taking up with boys young enough to be your son? I know plenty of psych students who'd have a very interesting reading of that."

 

"Who taught you manners?" Merlin said, while both Uther and Morgana stared at Arthur. "You're acting like you were raised in a barn." 

"Who asked you to be here?" 

"You're such an ungrateful, spoiled little shit. No wonder Uther never talks about you." 

That pushed Arthur to his feet, his face turning an interesting shade of purple, his hands clenched at his side. "I'm getting pretty tired of you." 

"Then why don't you leave? You know where the door is." 

"Please," Morgana said, her green eyes swimming with unhappiness. "Please, don't fight." 

Arthur leaned over the table. "I'm not going anywhere. If you're so tired of me, why don't you cut this charade short by a couple of weeks and get packing?" 

"If you're not going anywhere, then I guess that means you better get used to me." Merlin took Uther's hand and smiled sweetly at Arthur. "Because wild horses couldn't drag me away." 

Arthur looked at where Merlin and Uther's hands joined, his face twisting into a heavy scowl. He sat down heavily and reached for his wine, Morgana putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Arthur didn't shrug it off, and they finished their meal that way, Merlin clinging to Uther, and Morgana attached to Arthur.

 

#

"Don't you ever speak to my son that way again," Uther said as soon as the bedroom door shut behind them. 

Merlin blinked. "Excuse me?" 

"It was completely rude and inappropriate. Nobody talks to Arthur that way. Do you understand me?" 

"He was the one being rude," Merlin argued, too stunned to really accept what Uther was saying. "I was just trying to eat dinner and mind my own business, and he attacked me!" 

"It's not your place to criticize him," Uther said flatly. 

"He tried to call me out over dinner. He insulted you. He insulted us. Maybe he wouldn't be such a prick if somebody had taken the time to criticize him sooner."

"He's still my son." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"It means this is still his home too and you'll treat him with the proper respect." 

Merlin gaped at Uther like he'd never seen the man before. "Are you shitting me?" 

"I assure you, I'm not." 

"Oh, fuck this. He's a spoiled brat. If you have a hard time hearing the that because you want to live in denial over what an ass he is, that's not my problem." Merlin pushed past Uther and yanked the door open. "I'll just stay somewhere else while he's here." 

The pictures on the wall rattled when Merlin slammed the door. He felt a flare of satisfaction just before he realized that he had stomped out of his bedroom without even grabbing his toothbrush. And there was no way he'd hell he would go back in there. He loved Uther, but sometimes he really, really didn't like the jerk. What was it about his children that always brought that out in him? When Morgana wasn't around and nobody mentioned Arthur, Uther really was a perfectly lovely person. Charming and funny and strangely sweet.

Unfortunately, he'd gotten through the rest of dinner by fantasizing about fucking Uther. He'd had an elaborate plan to get the older man bent over the mattress and begging for Merlin's cock, and now he was going to be sleeping alone in the guest house without even his iPod to keep him company, half-erect because his cock didn't get the message. 

In the morning, they would apologize to each other and everything would be back to normal. Though Merlin thought it might be worthwhile to have a little chat with his husband. Something about how it was never appropriate to yell at his partner like he was yelling at his son. Even if it was tempting because he had married somebody Arthur's age. 

That was basically the worst part. At least he was two years older than Morgana. But he and Arthur had not only been born in the same year, they shared a birth month. They could almost be twins, and okay, that really might have said something about Uther's frame of mind. It was hard to say exactly what would have happened if Merlin had met Arthur on more neutral ground, though it wasn't hard to imagine that if that neutral ground involved alcohol, he would have been all over Arthur like a cheap suit. He wanted to say he didn't go for assholes and aggressive alpha males, but he did. He loved them. Even when he hated them, they made his cock ache. 

Not that Arthur made him ache. Mostly, Arthur made him experience violent impulses. If he thought he would survive the altercation, Merlin would probably take a swing at Arthur's perfectly arrogant, smug (beautiful) face. 

The guest house was on the other side of the grounds, which made it ideal for when Merlin wanted to get as far from Uther as possible. He had to pass right by the pool, which wasn't something he ever gave a second thought to. Unless somebody was in that pool. Somebody with sleek muscles, taut, glistening skin, and blond hair plastered to his scalp. 

"What are you staring at, pervert?" 

Merlin balled his hands up. "I'm not staring. You just caught me by surprise." 

"Whatever." Arthur turned and pushed away from the wall, gliding through the water like he'd been born to it. "You look like a grape." 

"Excuse me?" 

"You're all purple. Mad at somebody?" 

"Yes, in fact. You." 

Arthur threw a smile over his shoulder and it was so surprising, so charming, that Merlin almostbelieved it. "This always happens, you know. You shouldn't take it so personally." 

"What? You always come stomping through the house, swinging your dick around like you own the place?"

 

"Well, I will own the place one day." Arthur turned around and began swimming towards Merlin. "But actually, I meant the big fight you just had with Uther." 

"How do you know I had a fight with Uther?" 

"Give me some credit, would you Merlin?" 

"For what? Driving a wedge between us? Is this why Uther never remarried after his wife died? Because you..." Merlin stopped, remembering too late exactly how Igraine Pendragon had died. 

"Credit for knowing my own father. You know, the summer I graduated from high school, he became utterly infatuated with the seventeen year old pool boy." 

"Eww. That's...probably a coincidence." 

Arthur shrugged. "You know what my psych friends say?" 

"No, and please don't tell me." 

"It's probably not as bad as you think." 

"Look, our relationship has nothing to do with you or anybody else." 

"Because you're special?" 

"Yes." 

"Then why did you fight?" 

"We didn't fight." 

Arthur leaned against the wall, arms folded over the edge and looked up at Merlin with laughing blue eyes. He was definitely in a better mood. Had he been drinking? Merlin looked around for the empty wine bottle, but saw no bottles of any kind. "You already admitted that you did, so stop wasting my time." 

"It's none of your business." 

"It was over me, so I think that makes it my business." 

"Shut up. Just...stop talking." 

Arthur chuckled, and Merlin wanted to inform him that he wasn't joking. "It's too bad, you know." 

"What is?" 

"You might have been good for him." 

"I'm not going to let you chase me away." 

"Who said anything about chasing you away? Uther will send you away." 

"Arthur, do you know what your problem is? Nobody ever told you that you could go fuck yourself." 

Arthur laughed again, but not before he blinked up at Merlin in shock (looking strangely hurt, if Merlin was being honest). The satisfaction of getting the last word lasted him until he reached the empty guest house and remembered he was sleeping alone that night.

 

#

 

"Merlin." A whisper of sound across his lips, repeated against his cheek, his chin, the bridge of his nose. "Merlin. Wake up." 

"I'm tired," Merlin muttered, turning on his side. That didn't deter the lips at all. They ghosted over the shell of his ear, and then he felt them on his earlobe and his neck. 

"Merlin, open your eyes." 

"Sleep." 

"No sleep. It's time to wake up now." 

"What time?" 

A hand slid down Merlin's chest, slipping beneath the sheet he slept under. Knuckles brushed against his morning wood, and he jerked his hips, automatically seeking more of that soft pressure. 

"Just after eight." 

That partially startled Merlin awake. Enough so he'd turn back towards Uther. He sleepily reached for the other man, arms looping around his shoulders just before their mouths met in a lazy kiss. Merlin sighed at the familiar feel of Uther's lips, welcoming the slide and press of his tongue. He slid over on the mattress without breaking the contact, dragging Uther onto the bed. Uther followed happily, and soon they were both tucked under the sheet, legs entwined, pelvises rocking together. 

"I missed you," Uther said, fingers seeking out Merlin's bare skin. 

Merlin reached between them, fisting their cocks together. Uther's pre-come leaked freely, the thin strings clinging to Merlin's hand, wetting his skin. If it really was after eight, they probably only had time for a rushed handjob. 

"Missed you, too." Merlin moved his wrist in short, hard strokes. Uther's skin was hot, his breath coming in faster and faster gasps, and if Merlin wasn't already rock-hard, the evidence of Uther's arousal would have done it. 

"You belong in my bed," Uther said, overbearing and fond. 

Merlin nodded quickly, winding one leg around Uther's, pushing himself more firmly against his husband. They moved faster, their lips sealed together more often than not. This would not make up for missing out on a night of fucking Uther, but it was a start. And if Uther hadn't already left for that office, that might mean he planned to work from home. Which meant Merlin could park himself in Uther's office for the rest of the day, dividing his attention between reading graphic novels and sucking Uther's cock. 

"Oh...oh...Merlin..." Uther went rigid above him, his spine stiffening as he coated Merlin's hand with his jizz. Two more slick, desperate strokes, and Merlin erupted as well. 

"Is that your way of apologizing?" 

Uther lifted his head. "Yes. Do you accept it?" 

"I think you need to try a little bit harder than a messy handjob." 

"What about dinner tonight?" 

"Just the two of us?" 

"Just the two of us." 

"Anywhere I want?" 

"Anywhere." 

Uther was smiling, and it took at least ten years off his face. Merlin considered him for a moment before saying, "What if I don't want a special dinner?" 

"You always want dinner." 

"Well, okay, we should definitely eat. But I would rather have room service, if you catch my drift." Just to be sure Uther understood, Merlin squeezed his softening cock. 

"Loud and clear, dear. Anything else?" 

"Breakfast?" 

"Coffee and jelly donuts in the kitchen." 

Merlin beamed at him. "So you do love me."

"I do. And Merlin, I really am sorry about what I said last night. I had too much wine, and I was on edge. That's no excuse, but I simply wasn't thinking clearly." 

"It was a stressful day. I understand." 

"Thank you." 

Merlin smiled and closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of Uther's aftershave and the coffee on his skin. He was feeling warm and sleepy again, and Merlin thought he could probably doze for at least another hour. Uther didn't seem to be in a big hurry, and that was fine with Merlin. They settled side by side, wrapped up in each other's arms, and in the very back of Merlin's mind, buried so deeply he could have ignored it, he idly wondered just what Arthur smelled like in the morning.

 

#

 

Merlin didn't actually get to spend the whole day with Uther. He spent most of the morning with his husband, molesting him while he took important business calls and generally made himself a pleasant pest. But Uther got an emergency call just before lunch, and Merlin didn't catch the details, but it might have included a fire. At any rate, Uther looked genuinely sorry to leave him, so Merlin didn't press the issue. 

When Merlin emerged from Uther's office, he realized Uther's children were gone. He sighed and was glad nobody would think to ask if Merlin had used his husband as a shield against Arthur and Morgana. But Morgana hated any hints of Merlin's relationship with Uther, and Merlin didn't believe Arthur had the balls to risk walking in on them. 

Naturally, once he had the house to himself he called Lancelot and Will. It never mattered what they were doing (they were never doing much), they came running when Merlin called. 

"Finally!" Will exclaimed as soon as Merlin let them in. "I've been waiting for you to call for like, ever. Where's Arthur?" 

Merlin frowned. "You want to see Arthur?" 

"The man, the myth, the legend?" Lancelot asked with a grin. "Will's had a bit of a crush on him since school." 

"You didn't know him in school." 

"I saw him a few times. That was enough to fuel fantasies." 

"He's just...a real jerk. Spoiled rotten. Entitlement issues. Daddy issues, too, I think." 

Will snorted. Lancelot shot him a quick glare before sweeping his gaze over the room. "So where is he?" 

"I don't know. I guess he went out with Morgana. They're probably plotting my death." Merlin grimaced. "God, that's not even a joke. I better make sure Gwen knows to keep an eye out for them." 

Lancelot perked up at the mention of Gwen. "Is she here today?" 

"Yes. Uther has her exclusively this month. Must have the best for Arthur, of course." 

"I'm going to say hi." 

Will frowned at Lancelot's back. "I'm beginning to lose hope that one day Lance will realize he's gay." 

"Yeah, I think it's not going to happen." 

"Who knows, maybe I'll get him drunk enough one day." 

Merlin couldn't summon the smile that usually accompanied jokes of intoxicating and molesting Lancelot. "Seriously, Will, I don't know how much I can stand of this. Arthur is sniping at me all the time. Uther's so stressed that he's all...mean now." 

"Now? He's mean all the time." 

"No, he's not. Shut up. And anyway, if you had a son like Arthur, you'd be mean, too. It's amazing Uther's not an alcoholic." 

"Arthur's only been here for a day. He's already driving you to drink?" 

"Nearly." 

"How bad could it be?" 

"Bad." 

"At least he's easy on the eye." 

"I wish he was a dog. You want to watch a movie?" 

Will shrugged and nodded. If Lancelot wasn't there and Merlin wasn't worried about Arthur and Morgana's return, he would have suggested the pool. But nobody would bother them in the big, dark, soundproof room. Will always selected something loud and violent, with explosions and car chases and broads with big tits. Merlin didn't know who he was trying to fool, but when he'd asked about it, Will just cocked his head and said, "What else would I want to put on?" 

Merlin could think of a few things, but he just shrugged and locked the theater door.

 

Will's hands were down Merlin's pants by the time the opening credits were through. By the time the first dead body was discovered, Will was on his lap, grinding against his crotch and licking at Merlin's mouth voraciously. Merlin shoved his fingers down the back of Will's pants, his fingers pushing between his cheeks and against his hole. Will moaned in encouragement, and they both shuddered as Merlin sank his fingers into Will's body. 

Will gripped his shoulders and rocked backwards, fucking himself on Merlin's fingers. His muscles clenched around Merlin, fluttering and pulsing until Merlin was fucking aching for it. 

"You're all ready for me," Merlin gasped. "What did you do? Lube up in the car?" 

"No, smartass. Before I picked up Lance." 

"That was optimistic of you." 

"I just like to be prepared. You going to fuck me or what?" 

"Get those pants off." 

Will grinned and stood. His jeans fell to his ankles immediately and Merlin caught him by the hip, spinning him around to face the screen. Merlin gripped the base of his cock, angling it towards Will's eager ass. He pulled Will back until his cock pushed into Will's ass, and then the other man took over, pushing back until Merlin was fully sheathed. 

"Oh, fuck yes. Oh fuck, Merlin. Fuck. Fuck!" 

That was another reason Will always chose the loud action movies. The loud explosions masked his shout. And the driving, relentless action soundtrack provided a very satisfying rhythm to follow. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back, not bothering to stop his own shouts. He held Will down by the shoulder, driving the other man onto his cock again and again and again. At some point after Will had been reduced to strangled moans, Merlin stopped thinking of the brunette on his lap and started thinking about the blond he wanted to strangle.

#

Merlin sent Will on his way, showered, and changed with thirty minutes to spare. He wandered down to the kitchen, hovering out of Gwen's way while she prepared the nightly meal. Uther didn't think the expense of keeping a full time chef was worth it (though Merlin would not have complained) but he did enjoy excellent food and Gwen was his favorite local chef. The fact that she put up with Merlin's constant pestering was a bonus--and it didn't hurt that she was awfully pretty. 

"So how's Lance?" Merlin asked lightly. 

"He's your friend. Don't you know?" 

"He spent the whole afternoon you with you. Was he underfoot? I could tell him to knock it off." 

"No, actually, I had him peeling potatoes. He was eager to help." 

Yeah, I bet he was."Look, Arthur or Morgana may try to proposition you." 

"Excuse me?" 

"Not like that. Though maybe like that. I think you might be Morgana's type." 

"Not Arthur's?" 

"No, he's gay." 

Gwen looked up slowly and blinked. "What? Why would you say that?" 

Merlin actually had no reason to say that. He had no reason to even suspect it. It might have been the very epitome of wishful thinking, but he couldn't use that to explain his slip of tongue. "I don't know. Call it gaydar. I can always sense my own kind." 

"Really?" 

"Sure. Now, listen, about that proposition. Just don't let them anywhere near the food, yeah?" 

"What? Why?" 

"They're both crazy enough to poison my food." 

"You have a strange fixation with poisoned food, Merlin. Perhaps you should hire a tester." 

Merlin tilted his head. "You know, that's not a half-bad idea." 

"How would you explain him?" 

"I'll find a little homeless Indian boy or something. If anybody asks me what he's doing here, I said I felt sorry for him and wanted to make sure got fed." 

"Are you going to say this while he's on a cushion at your feet?" 

"What? No. He'd eat with the rest of the family, of course." 

"Of course." 

"I wouldn't worry about something as crass as poisoned food." 

Merlin jumped, spinning around to see Arthur leaning against the door, his lips pulled into a smile that was just a little more amused than the moment warranted. 

"How long were you standing there?" 

"Long enough to hear how little you think of my intelligence and cunning. Trust me, Merlin, if I wanted to kill you, you would never suspect a thing." 

"What is that? Are you boasting about your talent as a killer?" 

Arthur shrugged. "I'm just saying, I'm smarter than you. Definitely more capable of a truly underhanded plan." 

"That's interesting coming from you. Don't you think I conned your father into marrying me?" 

"I already told you what I think of this fiasco. If anything, you were conned." 

Merlin sighed. "What do you want, Arthur?" 

"I want to speak to you privately." 

"Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of Gwen." 

Arthur pinned him with a hard look. "Trust me, Merlin, you don't want to discuss this in front of her." 

Oh fuck, he knows about Will. How does he know? Maybe he was spying on me? Doesn't he have anything better to do with his time? What an asshole. 

"Fine. I was just thinking about how nice a walk through the garden would be right now." 

Arthur half-bowed and gestured at the side door. "After you." 

Merlin through a frightened look at Gwen, but she was absolutely no help. She was methodically slicing an apple, pretending that the two men weren't even in the room with her. Fine friend she turned out to be. 

"How long have you lived in this house?" Arthur asked pleasantly, once they were several yards from the kitchen door.

 

"What?" 

"How long has it been?" 

"Um, about eight months, I guess." 

"So not enough time to learn all the little nooks and cubbies. I was involved in the planning of the house. Did you know that?" 

"No. Uther never mentioned it," Merlin said, doing his best to sound bored with the whole conversation. 

"Well, I did. And I was quite interested in old movie theaters at the time. I really wanted to recreate the experience. I was fifteen and basically had an unlimited budget." 

"Uh huh." 

"So I made sure to include a projector. I had to search all over for that thing. I finally found one in an old abandoned theater about fifty miles from here. They were bulldozing the building to make room for more parking. Big surprise, right? So I went in with a few buddies of mine the night before and nicked it." 

"Why didn't you just offer to buy it." 

"It was more fun this way," Arthur assured him. "But there's really no good in having a projector if you don't have a room for it." 

Merlin's mouth tightened. "There's a projector room." 

"Yes. Have you never used it?" 

"I just use the DVD player," Merlin said numbly. 

Arthur nodded. "That's what I thought. It didn't even occur to you to look up there today before your friend came over." 

"What the hell were you doing up there? I thought you were gone for the day." 

"Why did you think that?" 

"Because I didn't see you all morning." 

"Who's really surprised by that? It's a big house and you're a huge slut. You were too busy to actually look around and make sure you were alone. Morgana wanted to spend the day going through her father's things." 

"Oh. Are you...are you going to tell Uther?" 

"About your cheap little affair? Why would I? You're so paranoid, Merlin. Have you got something to hide? Something else, that is." 

"Then why are you bothering to even tell me any of this?" 

"I just thought you should know." 

"That you're a giant perv? That you like to watch?" Merlin quickened his step to stand in front of Arthur and block him. "Did you like what you saw, Arthur? Did you get off?" 

"Merlin..." 

"That's it, isn't it? You saw me fucking Will and you couldn't help it." Merlin stepped closer, invading Arthur's space and probably inviting a punch to the nose. "Jerked off right there, didn't you?" 

Arthur caught his breath and his eyes darted away quickly. When he didn't issue an immediate denial, Merlin realized his shot in the dark had found its target. 

"So...maybe this isn't a warning. Maybe you want a repeat performance?" 

Arthur looked up with surprise, and Merlin felt something satisfying and hot spread through him. Maybe Arthur had meant to confront him, but perhaps he hadn't counted on Merlin turning the tables quite so quickly. 

"Well, Arthur?"

 

Arthur grinned wolfishly. "Is that the best you've got? Honestly, Merlin, you're lucky you don't have anything I want." 

Merlin reached between them and boldly cupped Arthur's erection. "Really? I have nothing you want?" 

Arthur took his wrist and wrenched his arm back. Merlin gasped at the sudden flare of pain through his shoulder. "You're such a little whore. Do you think it's funny making a fool of my father?" 

"I'm not." 

"What?" Arthur scoffed, apparently unmindful of Merlin's pain. "What would you call it then?" 

"He knows." 

That surprised Arthur into loosening his grip, and Merlin spun away from him, cradling his arm against his chest. Arthur really was a bully. And a fucking asshole. His outrage was slightly checked by the fact that he'd assaulted Arthur first, but at least groping Arthur's hard cock was a good bit nicer than wrenching his arm. 

His hard cock. 

Arthur had been hard. Merlin could have clapped his hands with glee over that one, except for the fact his arm ached. 

"What are you talking about? My father, Uther Pendragon, allows his little bitch husband to screw around with twinks like that?" 

"Yes. Christ, Arthur, he's thirty years older than me. Do you know what happens to man's libido after he turns fifty?" 

"And you're such a cock slut that you need at least two men to see to your needs?" 

"I wouldn't complain about a third." 

Arthur's looked disgusted. "I bet you wouldn't. If he knows, why would you care if I tell him?" 

"Who said I care? I asked you if you were going to tell him. I guess you still could. You could tell him how you jerked yourself off while you watched your stepfather fuck another man." 

Arthur's look of disgust deepened. "Don't call yourself that." 

"What? Your stepfather? I like it." Merlin licked his lips. "I think it's hot." 

"No wonder you get along so well with Uther. You both have issues." 

"I'll remember you said that when you're calling me daddy." 

"That's disgusting. I just puked in my mouth a little." 

Merlin shrugged his non-injured shoulder. "You're hard as a rock, Arthur. And the only reason went all caveman is that you didn't want me to know it." 

"I went caveman because I didn't want you accosting me." 

"Are you going to deny I make you hard as a rock." 

"It wasn't you." 

"What was it? The thought of running to your daddy and telling him what a bad boy I've been? So you could be his favorite again?" 

Arthur backed him against the low cement barrier that bordered the garden path. The curved edge hit just above his knees, and Merlin had to grip Arthur's shirt to keep from falling down. His other hand went to Arthur's hip, and he grinned slowly, rubbing his thigh against Arthur's erection. 

"Oh, yeah, I hit a nerve there, didn't I?" 

Arthur liked to throw his weight around, and as Arthur's strong fingers sank into his bicep, Merlin realized he didn't mind. The thought of Arthur throwing him around and pinning him to the bed made his cock leak. 

"How do I know you're not bluffing? How do I know if I tell him, he won't throw you out on the street like the little whore you are." 

"Maybe I am bluffing." Merlin's eyelashes fluttered not-quite-innocently. "Maybe Uther has no idea what a little slut I am. But what's the fun of finding out now? You could save it for later." 

Arthur stared at him and then laughed and half-pushed Merlin away from him. "Are you telling me I should save this to blackmail you with later?" 

"You could try to blackmail me later. Uther really does adore me. You remember what he can be like, I'm sure. God knows your a spoiled brat."

Arthur's face was mottling with anger again, and Merlin decided the better part of courage was discretion. He took the opening and quickly made his escape, having no desire to extend the conversation. Whatever Arthur decided, he would know by dinner that night. 

He strongly hoped Arthur chose not to mention it. He liked having a secret with Arthur. It felt delicious.

 

#

 

Uther didn't make it home for dinner. Merlin took his in the kitchen with Gwen, doling out tiny scraps of information about Lancelot and extracting all sorts of promises in return. She had a lovely smile and a soothing laugh. Merlin had no doubt that if Arthur had been a little less fucked up, he would have spent his free time lurking around Gwen instead of stalking Merlin. The thought of Arthur stalking him made him smile, and so he spent most of the night smiling to himself and laughing with Gwen. 

Merlin settled in bed just after midnight, earbuds plugged firmly into his ears. He had time to listen to two hour-long podcasts before the door opened and Uther filled the doorway. Merlin watched sleepily as Uther kicked off his shoes and wearily stripped his clothes. As soon as he crawled into bed, his arms went around Merlin and he pulled the smaller man close. 

"I'm sorry." 

"What happened?" 

"There was a ripple in the stock market in Malaysia." 

"And you needed to be there to tell them to behave? Did it work?" 

"It seems to have. For now. I tried to get away, Merlin." 

Merlin could guess how hard Uther tried to get away. It wasn't that he didn't want Merlin or that he resented spending time with him. But he'd spent most of his life as a bachelor, and quite frankly, he rarely remembered to factor Merlin into most of his day-to-day decisions. Nannies had done the most of the heavy lifting when it came to Uther's children. At some point, Uther had become accustomed to a cloud of servants, like fairies fluttering around his head. There was always somebody there to clean up the smaller messes while he dealt with big picture stuff. 

"I know. You can make it up to me. We can take a long weekend..." 

"Oh, I can't this week, Merlin. Remember there's the open at the club." 

"Golf?" Merlin asked. 

"Yes. You know I never miss it, Merlin." 

Merlin didn't even know what Uther was talking about, but he decided not to ask. Maybe he would take Will up to the cabin for the weekend. As long as he was back by Sunday night, Uther wouldn't notice he was gone (he had mixed feelings on leaving Arthur behind for two days). 

"Of course. I'm tired. It must have slipped my mind." 

"Ah, yes, of course." Uther said, pushing his face against Merlin's neck. His breath was warm and tickled a little bit. 

Uther was asleep within minutes, leaving Merlin alone with his thoughts once again. Except now Uther was like a dead weight on top of him, hot and slick with sweat despite the AC blasting away twenty-four hours a day. It was always times like these when Merlin truly couldn't believe where he was, who he was with. It had only been a year since Merlin met Uther, and that year still seemed impossibly surreal. 

He didn't need Uther. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He'd had many plans for his life, and none of them had relied on being somebody's kept boy--or husband, as the case may be. If Uther did have enough of him, and he did kick Merlin out on his ass, it really wouldn't make a huge difference. At most, it would be temporarily inconvenient. When people were passing their judgments and taking measure of Merlin, it never occurred to them that he mostly liked being married. 

It was nice, having somebody who would always make it to bed, sooner or later. Merlin knew Will and Lancelot would both laugh at him if he ever said as much. But they weren't like him. They didn't get lonely at night. They didn't like to cuddle, to curl into somebody tight and floating away in the warmth. Merlin had always hated sleeping alone. As a child, he'd fantasized about growing up and getting married so he'd have somebody to cling to. Later, he understood it wasn't necessary to be married to wrap himself around somebody, but he still found himself married all the same. 

He liked to think he and Uther each got something from the arrangement. Probably nothing Arthur could ever understand. He would destroy it out of meanness and spite--but only with the ammunition Merlin provided.

 

#

Arthur couldn't sleep, and that made him quite cross. He went for a long swim. He drank warm milk. He watched a stupid movie on HBO and a stupid porno on Cinemax. He signed on to Facebook to see that Sophia was in a relationship now and Vivien was out of one and Leon still had the ridiculous half-naked picture on his profile. He checked his phone twice, but heard nothing from Vivien, which was a little bit disappointing. She was always fun when she was nursing a broken heart. 

He was still awake when Uther returned. As he listened to his father's familiar steps go up the stairs and across the second floor, he considered stopping him. It would show Merlin right if he did call the little gold digger's bluff. He couldn't think of anything more satisfying than Uther tossing him out on his little ass. Not because he had anything against Merlin personally, but it was the principle of the thing. 

In truth, Arthur wished he did have something against Merlin. Then maybe he could get some sleep, instead of lurking around the house, half-hard like a ghost with very specific unfinished business. 

He flinched a little when he heard the bedroom door shut, immediately thinking of what he would do if Merlin were in his bed. His body wasn't anything to write home about, but there was a certain energy buzzing around him, a certain glint in his eye that just promised a good time. A hell of a good time. He was good enough at something to make the man who swore to never marry after the death of his wife elope to Reno. 

It must have been a love potion. Or a lust potion. That made more sense, because Arthur didn't believe Uther was capable of loving anybody. Merlin had drugged Uther's drink with this strange enchantment, and that's why the normally pragmatic and always hard man bent to Merlin's strange impertinence and teasing smile. 

Though it was nice to see some things never changed. If Uther had actually come home at a normal time, Arthur probably would have died from the shock. He'd been aware of the hiccup in Malaysia and predicted Uther would be home no earlier than two, and he would be reeking of alcohol and the cigarettes he was supposed to have quit fifteen years ago. Did Merlin ever notice that? Did it bother him? Why was Arthur even thinking of that? 

Finally, he had no choice but to admit defeat and retire to his room. He stripped his boxers off and stretched out on his 400 count sheets, closing his eyes at the liquid coolness against his skin. He slid his hand down his stomach, thinking of Merlin's long fingers and not bothering to pretend otherwise. His hands were surprisingly big, and Arthur wondered just what Merlin did with his time. Would his skin be as smooth as the sheets or would his fingers be rough with some hobby? Arthur's lips twisted at the thought--Merlin didn't seem to do anything except hang out around the house and eat. Oh, and fuck strange kids with shaggy hair and bad skin. 

So soft fingers then. Soft hands, like a girl. He didn't smell like a girl, though. He had expected something cheap and revolting like Axe, but Merlin mostly smelled like cool soap. Something clean and fresh without being at all flowery. 

Arthur cupped his balls and gave himself a good squeeze, remembering the ridge of Merlin's thigh pressing against his crotch. He should have never grabbed Merlin like that, because as desperate as he'd been for Merlin's heat, he knew better than to press himself against his father's husband. He shouldn't have been thinking about Merlin at all, and especially not about the texture and smell of the boy's skin. 

Arthur had a lot of problems, but he wasn't so far gone that he didn't know the difference between right and wrong. Every thought he harbored about Merlin was most decidedly wrong in a very sincere way, and he couldn't push them away. He hated that he couldn't control his own mind, and his resentment towards Merlin grew steadily.

 

But Merlin's hands would feel amazing wrapped around his cock. Merlin would jerk him off like he had something to prove. Like somehow making Arthur come would put him right in his place. He'd kiss with the same purpose, tongue invading Arthur's mouth like a furious army. Arthur liked the fact that everything with Merlin would be a fight. They could hurt each other in all kinds of interesting ways, and Merlin would be game for it. 

Arthur stroked himself with his left fist, rhythmically squeezing and pulling on his nuts. He bent his knees to thrust into his own hand, letting his mind drift beyond a furious handjob to a resentful blowjob. Merlin would stare up at him with darkly fringed, hateful eyes, practically gagging for Arthur to drive his cock down his throat. 

Arthur moaned and paused long enough to spit in his hand. When his fist returned to his cock, he pumped his wrist furiously. His hips rose and fell in a faster rhythm, and really, he would stop at a blowjob. Somehow, Arthur could convince himself that wasn't so wrong. Blowjobs were nothing. They could be given or received anonymously in toilets across the country. Really, a blowjob could be justified. It could be a drunken mistake, an event both parties agreed to forget about. A blowjob was practically chaste, in the grand scheme of things. 

Fucking Merlin would be something else. It would be completely wrong. There would be no way to justify it. He'd burn in hell for it. 

He thought it would be really superb to fuck Merlin until the skinny boy broke. 

Arthur's cock pulsed, and he bit on his lip until he drew blood. The bitter, salty taste barely touched his tongue before he was coming in thick, white ropes. Arthur moaned softly as his cock jerked, and aftershocks of his pleasure rolled through him. It could have been better. Even as he shivered and craved a cigarette, he couldn't help but think of how it would be better.

 

#

 

Morgause had a distinct laugh, and Merlin could hear it from any point in the house. He reacted much like a mouse spotting a snake, freezing in place and quickly ticking through his possible escape routes. The impulse always passed within two or three seconds, but Merlin was never truly comfortable while Morgana's best friend was in the house. She had a smile that never seemed amused, and her sharp blue eyes missed nothing. Merlin was always on his best behavior when she visited. 

He should have known that she would make Arthur uncomfortable in the same way. Hearing Arthur's gruff response to Morgause's greeting coaxed Merlin from his hiding place, and he watched from the second floor landing as Arthur and Morgause took each other's measure. Arthur was a big, robust guy, but Merlin would probably bet on Morgause if things ever came to blows. 

"How kind of you to take time from your busy schedule to visit your sister," Morgause said sweetly. 

"She's always first in my thoughts," Arthur said with cold charm. "I'm only glad I could get away from work now." 

Morgause sniffed at that and Arthur's fist clenched, though his voice remained even when he asked, "Do you have something to say about my work?" 

"Only that everybody knows you're not really doing anything at all. Your daddy set you up with the sweetest gig in the world." 

Arthur blinked, and Merlin was surprised to see genuine hurt on Arthur's face. He didn't think it was possible to insult the prat. Was he really surprised by the accusation? Or had he really believed he held his position based on his own merits? Despite their tense relationship, Arthur did run one of Uther's companies. Merlin wasn't sure which one. 

"How long will we be graced with your presence, anyway?" 

"Oh, didn't Morgana tell you? Uther is going to be busy at the club, and so I'll be here all weekend." Her crocodile-smile widened. "It'll be just like old times." She stepped closer, touching his chest with long, manicured fingernails. It wasn't inappropriate contact, but Merlin was still surprised by how aggressive the gesture seemed. "Well, for your sake, I hope it's not exactly like old times." 

Morgause tittered at that, and even Morgana broke into a smile, shooting guilty looks at her brother even while she covered her amused mouth with her palm. Just what the hell was that all about? 

Arthur pushed her hand away and left the room with very measured strides. Merlin ducked out of the hallway, biting his lower lip in his conflict. It would be wise to leave Arthur alone. It had been three days since Arthur had confronted him about Will, and they'd reached a tentative peace based on never acknowledging each other in any way. But Merlin could feel Arthur's anger vibrating through the walls, and even from a distance, he responded to the intensity. Seeking Arthur out now would be like poking a large predator with a stick, but Merlin liked to live dangerously. 

Merlin debated with himself for a full fifteen minutes, weighing the pros and cons or minding his own business. He probably wouldn't get any juicy details from Arthur (or Morgana for that matter. What would it take to pry the story directly from Morgause?), but he'd definitely be able to get a rise out of the blond. In more ways than one. Merlin didn't want to investigate the desire too closely. Either some part of him wanted to reach out to Arthur when he was clearly in an unhappy place, or he found himself suddenly ten times more attracted to Arthur precisely because of his barely contained anger. Merlin didn't think either option said good things about him. 

In the end, he found Arthur in the fitness center just off the pool. 

Sweat rolled down Arthur's bare shoulders and chest, and his skin was already flushed with the excursion. He curled his arms again and again, bringing a free weight up to chin height. His legs were wide apart, old, threadbare sweat pants hanging on his hips. Merlin absently wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, relieved to discover he wasn't actually drooling. Arthur was partially facing away from him, his face tense with concentration, but Merlin knew Arthur sensed him. Even if he didn't acknowledge him.

 

Arthur's body was sinful. Uther took very good care of himself and was still quite active, but he looked saggy and old when compared to his son. Arthur's flesh was finely sculpted, perfectly cut and shaped. Arthur continued to ignore him, finishing his set of biceps curl and dropping the bar to pick up dumbbells. 

"Are you going to lurk in the doorway like an idiot all day?" Arthur finally asked. 

"I don't have any other pressing plans." 

"Gee, what a shock." 

 

"I just wanted to stop and say goodbye." 

"Has Uther finally come to his senses?" 

"Nope. I'm going to take Will out to Uther's cabin on the lake." 

Arthur froze mid-gesture, turning to face Merlin with flinty eyes. "You really have no shame at all, do you?" 

"Uther's going to be busy all weekend. I've got to keep myself entertained somehow." 

"Is that how you justify it?" 

Merlin grinned. "I already told you how I justify it. I noticed Morgause is here." 

Arthur grimaced and refocused on his work out. "Yes." 

"She's been Morgana's best friends since they were kids, right?" 

"Yes." 

Merlin took a casual step closer. "So you must have known her for years." 

"Why yes, Merlin, I have. Your powers of deduction are truly amazing. Why are your powers being wasted here?" 

"She must have all kinds of interesting stories to tell about you." 

Arthur's jaw tightened but his voice was deceptively casual. "Like Morgause would ever talk to somebody like you." 

"She might. If she's drunk enough." 

"I didn't know you were so fascinated by me." 

"Really? I would have thought that was perfectly obvious by now. Or was that your fascination with me?" 

"I'm beginning to understand why Uther doesn't mind you being a slut. It must be nice to let you be somebody else's problem." 

"I'm sure he appreciates the break," Merlin said amiably. "But just imagine all the hours you're going to spend this weekend thinking of me...being somebody else's problem." 

"I'm not going to think about you at all, Merlin."

Merlin smiled. "I think I'm gonna go for a swim. You're welcome to join me when you want to cool off." 

The look Arthur shot him could have peeled paint. Merlin's smile turned into a smirk, and he gave Arthur thirty minutes before he left the weights in favor of the water.

 

Merlin hoisted himself out of the water after twenty minutes and nearly lost interest in waiting after forty. But his patience was rewarded at the fifty-five minute mark. Arthur emerged, still sweaty and shirtless and perfect. Merlin watched from above the rim of his sunglasses, taking in every detail from the length of his stride to the look of practiced nonchalance. Merlin's stomach broke apart in a flurry of nerves, and he hated that Arthur was already having this effect on him (mostly he loved it). 

Merlin's wolf whistle stopped Arthur in his tracks, and he turned to glare at Merlin from across the pool. 

"You know, I bet you're one of those straight guys that get hit on in gyms, aren't you?" 

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "What the fuck are you talking about?" 

"It's just an observation. You should take it as a compliment." 

"I don't want any compliments from you." 

"Next time I could just call you a fag." Merlin tilted his head thoughtfully. "Though that might just turn you on. You probably like it when the guy fucking you calls you a fag." 

Arthur took a menacing step towards him, and Merlin briefly wondered if he went a bit over the line. He didn't allow that doubt to let his smile waver, though. 

"Sometimes I think you're not going to be happy until somebody's punched you in the face." 

"Other things make me happy. You should go for a swim. You look like you could use the chance too cool off." 

"So I can subject myself to more of your witty observations? No thanks." Arthur flipped Merlin his middle finger and turned back to the house. 

"Yes, I suppose Morgause's company is preferable to mine." 

Arthur's shoulders tensed but he didn't stop. 

"You two probably have a lot to catch up on." 

"Yeah," Arthur said distractedly, coming to a stop again. Merlin cocked an eyebrow and watched the strange battle play out. He must really, really hate Morgause to be that conflicted about escaping Merlin's company. 

"I heard her and Morgana talking about going to see Inception. Maybe they'll be gone by the time you get out of the pool." 

Merlin didn't expect that to work but somehow, it did. His eyes widened as Arthur stalked back to the pool. He shed his pants at the edge, momentarily giving Merlin a glimpse of the full monty before diving into the crystal water. He gripped the sides of his lounger, forcing himself to remain seated even though Arthur was naked and beautiful and naked in the water. 

Arthur was a powerful swimmer. Merlin imagined he must have been on the swim team. The star, no less. By the time Arthur reached the other side of the pool, Merlin was hard as a rock and aching under the relentless heat of the sun. He needed to go for a swim himself to cool off, but Merlin wasn't quite so far gone as to think it was a good idea to get into the pool with a naked Arthur. 

"Shit," Merlin whispered, arranging the magazine in his lap to hide his boner as much as he could. He wanted Arthur, and that wasn't some big secret. He was pretty sure that Arthur wanted him, too. But it suddenly seemed very real. He was this close to fucking his husband's son in his husband's pool while his husband's daughter was just a few feet away. Possibly watching from the window. 

His face flushed a bright red and it had nothing to do with the heat of the day. He was out of his depth. There was only one way to end this game, and he should have never started playing it.

 

Arthur had turned around, and Merlin was transfixed at the steady flex of his muscles and the power of his thighs. His ass was perfect. Like a peach. Merlin wanted to bite the rounded half-globes and then fuck Arthur with his tongue until Arthur was begging him for more. And then he'd do it for another hour after that. 

"Do you even know what subtlety is?" Arthur asked, once he reached the wall. "I can feel you staring at me." 

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Quit with the outrage. If you didn't want me to stare, you wouldn't show yourself off like a piece of meat." 

"I guess that's something you'd know about." 

"That line would work better if I were the evil stepmother with a great rack. Speaking of, do you think Uther ever fucked Morgause?" 

Arthur spluttered like he was actually drowning, and the flailing certainly didn't help. "What?" 

"Do you think Uther ever fucked Morgause?" Merlin asked slowly. 

"Why would you even say that?" 

"I think it's possible, that's all." And he was desperate for any distraction. The thought of Uther fucking Morgause was certainly enough to distract Arthur from more immediate concerns, like the fact that the magazine did very little to obscure Merlin's hard-on. "She pretty much hates him now, but wouldn't you hate your best friend's father if he boned you when you were sixteen?" 

"Oh shut up. Jesus Christ, Merlin." 

"I'm just making conversation." 

"You're a horrible conversationalist. Your mouth is only good for one thing." 

They both realized what he said at the same time. Arthur looked stricken at the words. Merlin smiled slowly, suddenly forgetting his earlier trepidation. "I'm sure you would love to find out just what it's good for." 

Arthur hoisted himself out of the pool and reached for his pants, trying to shield Merlin's view of his body. But he wasn't fast enough and Merlin had sharp eyes--Arthur's cock proudly jutted in front of him, and the nest of hair between his legs was the same shade as the hair on his head. Merlin noted the fact with a small sigh--it would at least give his fantasies a sense of verisimilitude.

 

#

Merlin had grown up in a small town and had had a simple childhood. So when Uther had invited him for a weekend "up at the cabin" Merlin had naturally imagined an actual cabin. Something with no less than three but no more than five rooms. It would definitely have the basic plumbing and electricity, as well as a bathroom with a deep, wide bathtub, but it would still give one the illusion of "roughing it" up at the lake. Merlin had persisted in imagining the cabin this way until he was practically inside the thing and realized that any normal person would be more comfortable referring to the cabin as the fucking huge mansion. 

After only a single afternoon, Merlin realized there weren't any other types of cabins in that area of Tahoe. 

Merlin adored the place. Uther had naturally made Merlin sign a pre-nup (the man had been besotted, not stupid) and so there was no hope of winning the house in a potential court settlement. Which just gave Merlin more incentive not to give Uther a reason to leave him. The house was three floors, and the side that faced the lake was essentially all windows with heavy drapes that brushed against the plush, gray carpeting. There was a hot tub on the patio, and a pool on the third floor. Merlin had spent many nights by himself, sitting with his feet in the water while he studied the stars reflecting over the placid lake. 

Uther had bought it mainly for a place to bring important business associates and guests. Men who had lived their entire lives in cities like New York and Tokyo appreciated the crystal stillness of the air that high above sea level. Merlin always felt a little bit high among the pines and so close to the stars. Despite that, Uther rarely used the place himself, and over the years it had housed Morgana most often. Apparently, Arthur's parties had been so epic that all the neighbors still viewed the house warily and treated Merlin with a certain distance. At least, Merlin was pretty sure that was Arthur's fault. 

Will and Lance almost always accompanied Merlin up to the cabin. Lance spent most of his time in the lake, swimming and flirting with girls and getting himself invited to fancy parties on huge yachts. He was good at keeping himself entertained, and Merlin was good at taking the opportunity to screw Will on every flat surface he could find. 

But this time, Will and Lance weren't invited. A fact Arthur wasn't aware of. He was almost positive Arthur would follow him to Tahoe. A whole weekend with nobody to keep him company except Morgana and Morgause? Long nights alone thinking of what Merlin could be doing to Will? What would possibly keep him at Uther's? On the other, there was the possibility that Arthur would just wash his hands of the whole stupid situation and go back to wherever he came from. That probably depended on how his visit with Morgana was progressing, and Merlin just didn't know the answer to that. 

Merlin arrived just after one, confident and convinced Arthur really would be right behind him. By three, he was feeling a little less certain. By six, not only was his confidence gone, but he'd managed to convince himself that it was really for the best that Arthur hadn't shown up. Maybe he shouldn't have let Arthur think Will would be there. He'd thought making Arthur all jealous and righteously indignant would be the best way to get the other man's attention--it was the best way to get Uther's attention, after all. And the two of them had an alarming amount of things in common. But Arthur wouldn't have wanted to make a scene or dealt with the awkwardness.

 

Merlin moved through the house absently, biting his bottom lip and worrying about the unusual misstep. He never would have made such a critical error when he was single. But the only person he'd fucked besides Uther in the past eight months was Will, and honestly that didn't take any effort at all. He pretty much fucked Will whenever he wanted for years before he ever met Uther. So he was out of practice. Which probably meant it was for the best that things didn't go to plan with Arthur. At least he wouldn't have an awful mess to clean up. 

By eight, he'd decided Arthur could just go fuck himself anyway. Merlin didn't have to spend the weekend by himself. The place was positively swarming with men who wouldn't turn down a blowjob, even if they were married and had to meet their wife at the dock in just twenty minutes. He'd find somebody tall with good shoulders and blond hair and a thick, rigid cock. One that he could gag on. 

Fuck. 

God, he fucking hated Arthur fucking Pendragon. Driving him to distraction all of the time. Filling his head with all kinds of thoughts. Why the fuck did he parade himself naked around Merlin if he didn't want to fuck? Did he enjoy the tension? Merlin didn't think for a second that Arthur had suffered an attack of conscience. If he was his father's son, then he wouldn't even have one. He was just an asshole cocktease and Merlin was going to make him pay for that (that was his most ungracious thought that after he'd opened the bottle of rum. Just before he'd opened said bottle, he'd wryly ruminated on the fact that he could have at least sent Arthur a message over Facebook to let him know that his presence really was expected in Tahoe). 

By the time Arthur actually showed up, Merlin was sure he really did hate the prat.

 

His hatred reached the level of outright loathing when Merlin realized Arthur wasn't alone. He stared from the second floor as Uther's long legs unfolded from the backseat. The older man stood, looked around with the pleased smile he always wore when exposed to fresh air, and nodded. Arthur was lifting bags out of the trunk. Bags. They had packed. They planned to stay. They. What the fuck was going through Arthur's head? 

When the blond man looked over to survey the house with a smirk, Merlin realized what he was doing. Oh that cocksucking bastard. 

Merlin took a deep breath and composed himself. He needed to be smiling when Uther opened the front door, genuinely excited by his husband's unexpected appearance. He could worry about throttling Arthur later. Or beating him with a blunt object. Or forcing him to his knees and fucking his throat without a hint of kindness. Maybe he would do all three until Arthur begged him to stop and explained just why he was so stupid. 

Merlin hurried down to the foyer, flinging his arms around Uther as soon as he opened the door. "What are you doing here? I thought you were golfing this weekend?" 

Uther returned the embrace with a hard kiss. When he lifted his head, his smile reached his green eyes. Merlin resisted the temptation to glance over at Arthur. "Well, I was, but then Arthur pointed out that we haven't spent a weekend up here in a long time." 

"Oh, did he? I'm really happy you changed your mind." Now he did look over to Arthur. "I've been so lonely up here by myself." 

"By yourself?" Arthur was trying, and failing, to sound nonchalant. "I thought you were inviting your friends up." 

"No." 

Arthur's eyebrows knitted together and Merlin watched him impassively. "But you said..." 

"I don't know what you think I said, Arthur, but I always planned to come up here by myself." 

Uther released Merlin and turned back to the door. "I'm going to let Thomas know we're here and we'll want the boat tomorrow. I won't be long." 

He'd be at least an hour, and Merlin suspected it'd be more like two or three. He and Thomas were old friends, but Thomas had retired early and moved to Tahoe full time. Thomas would suggest they catch up over a beer, and a single beer will become splitting a bottle of fine red wine, or aged scotch, or whatever Thomas had most recently acquired. 

"So are you fucking retarded or what?" Merlin exploded as soon as Uther was out of earshot. 

"Excuse me?" 

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you really think you were going to catch me fucking Will?" 

"You said..." 

"Yeah, I know what I said. But you obviously didn't listen. You were supposed to come up here, Arthur. By yourself." 

Arthur stared at him. Merlin shook his head with disgust. This whole weekend was turning into a bust. 

"It's like you've never done this sort of thing before." 

"I haven't. I've never done anything like this before." 

"No affairs with your friends' hot moms? Or wives? Nothing?" 

"Not all of us are sluts with the morals of an alley cat," Arthur retorted. 

"You'll have to forgive me if I'm not convinced of your moral fiber." 

"My moral fiber? You wanted to lure me up here and...and..." 

Merlin arched his brow. "And what? Say it." Arthur didn't reply so Merlin pressed on. "Yeah, I was going to lure you up here and fuck your brains out. And I'm pretty sure you knew it, too. So why did you bring daddy? Scared of what might happen without a babysitter?"

Arthur's face was turning an interesting shade of red. Merlin wasn't quite sure why. He might have been blushing. 

"Oh, don't worry, Arthur, your virtue is quite safe from me." 

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that?" 

"What do you think I'm going to do? Seduce you under your father's nose?" Merlin cocked his head. "Or is that just what you want me to do?"

 

Suddenly, Merlin felt like himself again. It wasn't that he was off his game. The problem really was with Arthur. Merlin hadn't truly expected that. Arthur was sexy and had beautiful eyes and big pouty lips. He was also worth a fuck-tonne of money, so even if he wasn't completely gorgeous, he should be used to this. He should know how to navigate through this type of negotiation. He shouldn't have been watching Merlin with hungry wariness--like a thirsty man convinced the goblet was full of poison but still willing to drink deeply.

Arthur didn't move as Merlin approached. Not even to breathe. Merlin wished he would. He wished he wasn't so ready to give up the fight. But there wasn't really anything left to say. He could throw another barb back at Merlin. He could tell Merlin he was being completely ridiculous. He could tell Merlin to shut the fuck up. But Merlin was not in the mood to listen, and it was just as well that Arthur saved his breath. 

"I think I've been wrong about you from the start," Merlin murmured, pressing his body to Arthur's much larger frame. He put one hand on the door, right next to Arthur's ear, and the other on Arthur's hard cock. He tilted his head and inhaled, his mouth watering at the smell of his skin. Jesus Christ, he smelled good enough to eat. Merlin wanted to surround himself in that scent, wanted to roll around in it like a dog and cover himself in Arthur. "You really are the scared little boy." 

"Shut up," Arthur snarled. Well, it would have been a snarl if he wasn't moaning. Merlin worked the heel of his hand over Arthur's cock, grinding into his flesh, purposefully working the zipper against his sensitive skin. 

"Make me, Arthur. I'm begging you. Make me." 

"Merlin..." 

"You're so hard. I bet you're wet, too." Merlin bit his lip, his own cock throbbing. He shifted his hips forward, groaning as his shaft pressed to Arthur's thigh. "Like a girl. Let me see." 

"Merlin. Wait. Don't." Arthur pushed Merlin's hand away, but Merlin wasn't going to be dissuaded. Not until his fingertips were gliding over the slick fluid on his crown. He knew he was playing a dangerous game. Especially since what he really, really wanted to do was drop to his knees and press his face to Arthur's groin and take a deep breath before he dragged his tongue over his curly blond hair. 

They struggled against each other almost silently, grunting occasionally, losing precious seconds in their battle. Merlin's fingers were longer, and he caught the zipper more than once, but Arthur was stronger. He never physically pushed Merlin away from him, but he guarded his fly carefully, hitting Merlin's fingers hard enough to hurt. Finally, Merlin bit down, distracting Arthur from what his wayward hand. 

"Shit," Arthur swore under his breath as Merlin finally breached his perimeter. Merlin smiled slowly, fingertips gliding over his silky skin exactly like he thought they would. 

"Oh, yeah. I could probably make you come right here, couldn't I? Even though Uther could be back any second. Thomas might not even be home." Merlin didn't wrap his fingers around Arthur's shaft, though he wanted to. He wanted to feel that thick muscle throbbing against his palm, all hard heat beneath the silkiest skin. "Do you even care?" 

"I do." But he was already trembling, so he probably didn't care very much.

 

"Now, if you'd been a good boy and came here by yourself, I'd already be on my knees." Merlin's fingers still danced over the crown, light as fairy wings fluttering over the skin, tracing little circles in the thick pre-come. "I'd swallow you down. Anybody ever do that for you, Arthur? Just deep throat you until they sucked the jizz right out of you? Why'd you bring Uther?" 

"I thought..." 

"Why did you bring Uther?" Merlin repeated, his thumb nail catching Arthur's slit. 

"I didn't mean to." 

"You're not in a good position to be lying, Arthur." 

"I'm not. I swear, I'm not." 

Arthur was delicious like this, and Merlin was quickly forgetting why he'd even started torturing him. He didn't want to torture Arthur. He wanted to split his ass open. 

"What happened?" 

"I told him I didn't want to go to the club. That I wanted to come here." 

"And just like that, he changed his mind? Why?" 

"Because we were going to play that tournament together." 

Merlin lifted his head and blinked. "Really?" 

"Yes. Really. God, could you just..." 

Merlin dropped pulled away, feeling terribly cold all of the places where Arthur wasn't touching him anymore. "So you're telling me that Uther really just wanted to spend time with you." 

Arthur shrugged. Merlin felt like a horrible person. With a raging hard-on. "God, we can't be doing this." 

Arthur tucked himself back into his pants. Merlin looked away, trying to hide his vast,vast disappointment. "I know." 

"So we're on the same page, then?" 

"I never know what page I'm on when I'm with you, Merlin." 

"Right now I'm on the page that says I can't fuck my husband's son." 

"Right now? Does that mean you're going to turn to a new page later?" 

"Would you expect anything else?" 

Arthur shook his head. "I'm going to go unpack." 

Merlin was sure that unpack meant jerk off furiously and guiltily, but only because that reflected his own immediate plans.

 

#

 

All things considered, dinner could have been better. 

Thomas had invited them over to barbecue. Merlin appreciated that. Thomas took his steaks very seriously, and Merlin didn't have to acknowledge Arthur's presence once during the evening. If they'd stayed home for dinner, Merlin would have had to cook dinner, and then he would have sat across from Arthur, staring at his mouth and wondering why he hadn't kissed Arthur when the opportunity presented itself. In theory, a neighborly barbecue was the best possible solution. 

In reality, it was hell. 

First, Uther paired off with Thomas and they spent most of the night bickering over the best way to cook meat, discussing obscure brands of whiskey, boasting about their respective boats, and reminiscing about the good old days when they were a couple of care-free bachelors chasing tail. Merlin would have been happy to contribute to a few of the points (especially about his opinions on steak and chasing tail) but they weren't interested in what he had to say. 

Secondly, and much worse, Arthur was distracted by Vivian, Thomas's beautiful, bitchy daughter. Merlin couldn't tell what anybody saw in her. He wasn't so gay he couldn't be interested in girls. Gwen was very pretty, and Morgana was very fuckable (even when she was being a bit crazy), but Vivian left Merlin completely cold. Possibly because she always looked at him like he was something she found on the bottom of her shoe. Naturally, she hung off Arthur. And naturally Arthur, who had joined Merlin on the proper page of not fucking, basked in her attention. 

This left Merlin to sit on the edge of the patio with a beer and a barely-concealed scowl. He should have invited Lance at least. He would have made perfect cover (because even Arthur wouldn't think Lance was gay enough to let Merlin suck his cock) and company. He might have even distracted Vivian from Arthur. 

It wasn't long before Arthur and Vivian were behaving positively indecently. Arthur even groped her breast, and instead of batting his hand away, she giggled and pulled him closer, muttering something in his ear. Arthur's eyes widened and she giggled again. Arthur took her hand and pulled her towards the stairs, clearing intending to lead her to the lake. She glanced over her shoulder, noticed her father wasn't paying any attention to them, and pulled Arthur against her. Her narrow fingers curled through his hair, settling on the back of his neck to draw him closer. 

After that, they pretty much settled on swapping spit. Arthur settled on an oversized deck chair, his hands spanning her narrow waist as she straddled his lap. Merlin stared at the display moodily, no amount of beer blurring his vision to the point of obscuring them. Why wasn't anybody doing anything about this? Why didn't Thomas turn the hose on them? 

That thought opened a world of possibilities. Merlin began considering everything he'd do if he had magical powers. Turning the hose on them wasn't nearly enough to express his ire. He briefly considered setting her on fire, but that might have been a little overboard. Blisters. Big, oozing ones. Spontaneously blossoming on her lips. A dozen grotesque roses of color. That would be a good start. 

Merlin tried to tell himself that it was a good thing Vivian invaded Arthur's mouth with her demanding tongue, practically raping his face with lips. It didn't hurt for Arthur to be reminded that he thought he liked girls. But Merlin really should have kissed him when he had the chance. He'd been too distracted trying to score cheap points, and where did that get him?

 

They did manage to break apart long enough to eat dinner, and then Vivian dragged him inside on some flimsy excuse and Merlin was so disappointed he could barely breathe. The night deepened, the sky moving from turquoise to a deep navy, and Merlin decided it was time to pull out the big guns. 

He yawned widely and sidled closer to Uther, discreetly slipping his hand into Uther's pocket. Uther jerked with surprise and looked down, the question in his eyes clearing as Merlin smiled back at him. 

"I've had a long day. I think I'm ready to turn in." 

Uther, to his credit, immediately put his arm around Merlin's shoulders. "Of course. Thomas, tomorrow morning, bright and early." 

Thomas nodded. "We'll see about that. You're getting soft in your old age." 

"Docks. Five A.M." 

"I'll meet you there." 

Merlin waited until they were in the car before saying "Five A.M.? Really?" 

"Thomas insists he's got a new bait that'll catch a trout big enough to beat my record. It's ludicrous."

"Ludicrous enough you could just let it go because you know it'll never happen?" Merlin asked hopefully. 

Uther chuckled and squeezed Merlin's knee. "I'll be back before lunch, I promise you. Then we'll have the afternoon to ourselves." 

"What about Arthur?" 

"He might be too busy tomorrow." 

Oh god. "Well, it's good for him to unwind a bit. He's always so serious." 

Uther sighed. "Yes, that's because of Morgana. When he mentioned Tahoe, I knew he was probably ready for a bit of a break." 

"It must be very stressful for him. Have you two, you know, talked?" 

"No. Not as much as I'd like, at any rate. Arthur's good at avoiding me when he wants to. Always has been." 

Merlin glanced back at the large house, wondering which of the dark rooms shielded Arthur and Vivian, torturing himself with images of what they must have been doing. 

"Pull over." 

"What?" 

"Pull over up here. Like we're going to look at the lake." 

"Why?" 

"Because I want to blow you, and I don't want to risk getting in a car accident." 

Uther pulled over.

 

The blowjob did nothing to take the edge of. He sucked Uther like a vacuum cleaner, his head bobbing enthusiastically, a rush of delight going down his spine every time headlights flooded the cabin. Uther clasped his neck between thumb and fingers, holding him tight, forcing him down on his cock with ragged grunts. 

Fortunately, the house wasn't far from there, because the combination of the booze and the orgasm took its toll on Uther. Merlin had to support most of Uther's weight on his slight frame, half-carrying him up the stairs to his bed. He was asleep about a minute after his head hit the pillow, snoring softly. Merlin stared at him in horror, unable to deal with the thought of being alone and hard all night. 

"Uther?" Merlin shook him gently. "Uther. Wake up." 

"Nggh." 

"Come on. Wake up, please?" 

"Drunk." 

"Come on. Just long enough for a handjob." 

"Go to sleep." 

Merlin leaned over Uther's arm, his muscles tight with the urge to shake the other man awake. Didn't he realize what was happening? Didn't he know what Merlin needed from him? He was wound up tighter than a Swiss watch, sick with desire for a man he shouldn't ever even look at. He needed Uther to hold him, to pin him down to the mattress and claim him and remind him of where he belonged. 

"Uther, I swear, if you ever loved me at all you'd wake up." 

Uther reached up, blindly groping for Merlin's face, almost poking his eye and hitting his nose in the process. Uther froze like that for a moment, then dragged his hand down Merlin's face. Then snuffled and turned onto his side. 

"Oh my god." 

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Arthur would stay out all night. Except that wouldn't be better. That would be so much worse. He left Uther sleeping on top of the covers, fleeing the second floor for the third, pacing in front of the window for what felt like hours. There wasn't a moon that night, but the stars were shining brightly, reflecting off the varnished hardwood floor. Merlin paced, and he studied the ripples in the lake, and he thought about Arthur's perfect golden skin. 

Merlin clenched his fist, thinking of Arthur's throbbing flesh so heavy against his palm. His resolve couldn't already be weakening. He'd only sworn Arthur off like five hours earlier. He needed to keep the pretense up for at least another night. He shouldn't be so close to snapping now, but Arthur had felt so...and smelled so...and the more Merlin reminded himself he couldn't have Arthur, the more he yearned for the blond. 

He crossed to the window that faced the drive and glanced out absently. A familiar figure was trudging up to the door, his face lost in shadows. Merlin stared at him, his heart suddenly lodged in his throat. Arthur was coming back, relatively early, alone. Walking because Uther drove them all there, and Vivian had refused to drive him back. And of course he'd left because...

Because...

Merlin raced down the stairs, hands trembling by the time he reached the door. He stopped there, brow resting against the pine, hand on the doorknob, breath coming in harsh gasps. Arthur was on the other side of the door, and Merlin was going to die without him. 

"Okay," Merlin whispered. "Okay, just calm down. He's not some Greek god. He's just a guy. And also he's completely off-limits. So get yourself under control and keep your dick in your pants." 

Good advice. Good advice. Merlin took a low, steadying breath and backed away from the door. He was driving himself insane and for what? Nothing. No reason. He loved his husband, and he loved his life, and Arthur was not worth jeopardizing it all. 

Merlin could tell he was close to snapping because the defenses were piling higher, the reasonable voice in the back of his head was sounding increasingly desperate, and his palms were sweating. 

The doorknob rattled as Arthur slid his key in the lock. Merlin licked his dry lips and considered fleeing, but then the knob was turning, and there wasn't time to go anywhere. 

Arthur stopped short as he entered, looking Merlin up and down. "What? Are you waiting up for me, Merlin?" 

Merlin held his breath, conducted another quick debate, and then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

 

"I fucked her, you know." Arthur sounded strangely defiant. Like he expected Merlin to take a dim view on that sort of behavior. To be honest, he was a little disappointed (and jealous), but he was safe in the darkness. 

"I thought you probably would." 

Arthur stepped away from the door, his face still in shadows. "She was good. Very enthusiastic." 

"I'm happy for you. I gave your father a blowjob in the car. He was very appreciative." 

"Then what are you doing down here waiting for me?" 

"Why did you come back so early?" 

They were nearly toe to toe now, and light from outside spilled across Arthur's face, making his blue eyes shine. Arthur licked his lips, drawing Merlin's attention to his mouth, and once he started staring at it, he couldn't stop. It didn't matter that Vivian had had her lips locked on Arthur's mouth for the entire night. It didn't even matter that he would probably taste of her when Merlin finally kissed him. 

"Merlin, we just decided..." 

"I know," Merlin interrupted, impatient with the echoing of his earlier thoughts. This was already happening. It had already started. Why keep pretending like they had any control over it? They didn't, and they wouldn't unless Arthur physically left. Left the house, left the state, maybe even left the country. He didn't see Arthur taking such a drastic step. Yet. So there was nothing else for it. 

Arthur must have reached the same conclusion at that moment, because he reached for Merlin first. Not that it was much of a victory, since Merlin clung to his shoulders like a drowning man, pulling him down for the kiss Arthur was already leaning into. Their mouths crashed together, hard and unforgiving, neither of them wanting to be the first one to soften. Merlin pressed into body into Arthur's almost brutally, tongue plunging into Arthur's mouth. 

He didn't taste like Vivian. He tasted like scotch and fresh air and pine trees. Merlin imagined Arthur beneath the towering trees, turning his face up to the sky to stare at the stars, taking a deep, open-mouthed breath to fill his head. Merlin was hungry for the taste, sweeping his tongue through Arthur's mouth to get as much of it as he could. Arthur's large hands pressed into his back, fingertips massaging him through his T-shirt. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't even close to enough. Merlin wasn't going to be happy until he felt bare skin gliding against bare skin. 

"Closet," Merlin managed, because it was close and because they shouldn't be doing this in the middle of the floor where anybody could see. 

Arthur nodded in agreement. Or he moved his head slightly, and Merlin took that as a nod. Then they both forgot Merlin said anything at all, Merlin licking very enthusiastically at Arthur's mouth and lips and chin and throat. He tasted really, really good and nothing like he'd spent the night necking with a woman drenched in perfume. Had he showered? He must have showered. Merlin tore at Arthur's shirt and decided he didn't much care either way. 

The closet was too far away, and it probably wasn't big enough either. So they ended up in a pile on the couch, Merlin straddling Arthur's lap awkwardly, and clothes half-hanging from limbs and wrapped around their ankles. Arthur's body felt as good as it looked, all hard in all the right places. Merlin traced over the ridges of his muscles, and when that didn't satisfy the gnawing hunger inside of him, he used his whole body, rocking against Arthur's cock and sliding his chest up and down the wall of muscle against him. Arthur's hands were everywhere, and he wasn't afraid of using his strength, or his nails, or his teeth. 

"Not so rough...marks..." Merlin managed before diving back into the welcome warmth of Arthur's mouth.

 

Arthur groaned and gently smoothed his fingers over the claw marks he left near Merlin's spine. But only a few minutes passed before Merlin felt that sharp bite into his skin again. He pushed his hips forward, thrusting hard against Arthur's cock and his ass clenched in anticipation. Not on the couch. They couldn't do it on the couch. It would be better to go to Arthur's room. But Merlin's legs were locked in place, and his hips were rocking forward and down, seeking more pressure even if he couldn't have the friction he craved. 

He didn't hear the bedroom door open above the sound of their ragged breathing, but he caught the light from the corner of his eye. He froze, and Arthur stopped as well, automatically following his gaze. Merlin was paralyzed, like a small animal caught in the rush of oncoming headlights, and he saw everything he liked about his life flash before his eyes and then disappear. But then the light flicked off and the door shut. 

"Did he leave his room?" Arthur whispered. 

Merlin shook his head, his attention still glued to the landing. His eyes were adjusted to the dark, and he would have easily seen Uther's figure at the top of the stairs. But there was nothing. Merlin's heart seemed to be wedged in his throat, his stomach somewhere around his knees. Arthur's cock was still throbbing against his, but he could also feel Arthur's heart racing, beating a hard tattoo against his ribs. 

"Jesus Christ," Merlin whispered, finally looking at the man beneath him. 

"That was close." 

Merlin nodded. 

"This is stupid." 

Merlin nodded again. "Do you have a spare condom?" 

"Yeah." 

"Let's go to your room." 

Merlin barely had the words out of his mouth before Arthur was nodding and helping him to his feet.

 

As soon as Arthur locked the bedroom door, they were sealed together like nothing had interrupted them. The clothes were disposed of quickly, and then there was nothing between them. It was just the two of them in a dark room, learning each other by touch and taste, grasping at each other until they fell to the bed. Arthur rolled Merlin to his back, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses down Merlin's chest. 

Arthur had plucked the condom from his wallet before they tangled themselves together, and Merlin just hoped he had the good sense to remember to use it. Because Merlin couldn't think of anything except the wet pressure on his nipples and his stomach and his hip. He ran his hand through Arthur's hair again and again, surprised by how soft it was, feeling compulsive about it. 

Merlin wanted Arthur's mouth. He'd had entire dreams about that mouth. About his crooked lips, and the way they jutted just so, and his crooked teeth. But he'd known nothing of that mouth until he felt it nibbling the line of his hip. Merlin squirmed, knee bending, heel resting on Arthur's back. Merlin curled his fingers against Arthur's scalp and coaxed him to the left until Arthur was blowing little puffs of air over Merlin's shaft. 

"Oh, Arthur, I just need to feel your mouth. Please. Need you." 

Arthur obliged him, lips forming a perfect seal around his crown. Merlin gasped and pushed up, seeking more of the heat. Arthur didn't resist him, his jaw relaxed, his cheeks hollowed. Merlin's self-control frayed. He wanted to buck against Arthur's face, hold him down and fill his throat. 

"Arthur...Arthur...god...your mouth." 

Arthur reached up, brushing his fingers across Merlin's lips clumsily. Merlin tried to turn his head away, but Arthur caught his chin and covered his mouth, his palm muffling the words Merlin couldn't control. Something about the weight of Arthur's hand undid him, and currents of electricity shot down his spine. He tensed, ready to explode and Arthur released him from his mouth with a smack of his lips. 

Merlin pulled his hand away. "What are you doing?" 

"Not yet. I want to feel you." 

Merlin couldn't think straight. His body was settling again, his heart slowing, the ache in his groin dulling and spreading. He needed Arthur inside of him. "Fine. Fine, get the condom on." 

Arthur arched his bow at the tone, but he was pulling the foil open with his teeth, and that was all that mattered. He rolled it down his shaft, then reached across the bed to fumble with the nightstand drawer. Merlin hooked his legs over Arthur's shoulders, using the other man to pull himself off the bed, exposing himself. 

"Don't bother with stretching me." 

Arthur fisted himself, spreading the lube before gripping the base of his cock. Merlin watched until he felt the nudge of Arthur's blunt head against his clenched muscle. Merlin whimpered and pushed back, fingers curling in the sheet, his body prepared to open to Arthur. They pushed together at the same time, and Arthur finally, oh god finally, completely filled him. Arthur looped his arms around Merlin's legs, and they were locked together like that for several long beats. 

"Fuck me," Merlin finally choked out. "Jesus, please." 

Instead of sliding out, Arthur rolled his hips. Fireworks went off behind Merlin's eyes, and he must have shouted at the bright lights, because Arthur was covering his mouth again. Merlin's hand covered Arthur's, adding to the pressure against his lips as Arthur rotated his hips again and again. 

"Merlin...god Merlin...better than I dreamed..." 

Merlin warmed at the words, even as he jerked and twitched against Arthur, trying to rock and force Arthur to return the gesture. He needed the friction. His toes curled and his calves and thighs tensed, and Arthur released his mouth, moving to grip his hips.

 

"Gotta be quiet, Merlin." 

Merlin nodded. He'd be quiet. He'd be so quiet. Arthur drew back, and Merlin felt the loss an inch at a time until only the tip of his cock remained inside. Arthur slammed forward and Merlin bit down on his tongue to stop the immediate, necessary scream. Bitter tasting blood filled his mouth and pain arched through his head, but he was numb, oblivious to that. All that mattered was the way Arthur's cock stretched him, burned as it slid out of him. His teeth rattled from the force of Arthur's body, and another scream almost immediately threatened to erupt from his throat. He snagged a pillow to cover his face, but that wouldn't do because then he couldn't see Arthur's twisting in pleasure as he pounded forward. The pillow was tossed aside, and he settled for clasping his hands over his mouth. 

Arthur gripped Merlin's wrist and pulled his hand away, silencing Merlin's protest with a demanding kiss. He quickened the rhythm, taking Merlin's ass with sharp, short strokes. Merlin screamed into his mouth, thrashing against him, legs sliding from Arthur's shoulders to stick out on either side of his waist. Pleasure snapped through him with a whiplash of heat. His cock jerked and the hot come splashed onto his chest. He thought he even felt a string on his chin. That was when Arthur broke away from the kiss, lips and tongue traveling over his jaw and then down his throat and over his chest. He lapped at Merlin's skin, collecting every drop of jizz with greedy moans, not slowing from his rhythm. Merlin felt like he was going to fly apart. The pleasure didn't fade, it just grew sharper somehow. Arthur wouldn't even give him the chance to catch his breath, and it felt like the pressure might be building at the base of his spine again. 

"Arthur...Arthur...please..." 

"What?" 

"Please." 

Arthur drove forward with a grunt, his gorgeous body shuddering, the pleasure visibly rippling through him. Merlin's breath hitched and a warm haze settled over him. He knew his eyes were glazed over, and Arthur looked equally dazed. Merlin held himself tightly for another beat and then the tension drained from him all at once. He relaxed against the mattress, arms and legs lax and tingling nicely. Arthur collapsed on the bed beside him, both of them staring at the ceiling, limbs overlapping.

 

Merlin didn't know how long they laid there like that, listening to each other breathe in the easy silence. He expected a wave of guilt to wash away the sense of relief, but there was nothing like that. Just a soft feeling, like floating. It almost reminded him of the mild euphoria he'd get from hits off Will's bong. Even knowing he'd have to leave soon and return to Uther didn't blunt the high. 

At least Arthur was worth it. If Uther ever did find out about this, that would be some mild comfort. Arthur was really, really worth it. 

"What time is it?" Merlin finally asked. 

"Just after three." 

"I've got to go." 

"Already?" 

"Uther plans to be at the dock at five. Which means he'll be up at four. Which means I need to be back in bed soon." 

"So he'll be gone all morning?" 

"Sounds like it. But we shouldn't..." 

"Are you really going to say that to me now? I think it's a little bit too late for that, Merlin. The damage has been done." 

"We don't need to make it worse." 

"It's already as bad as it can get." 

"So we might as well have a good time while we can?" 

"Exactly." 

Merlin couldn't tell if Arthur was some sort of genius or if he was just being especially stupid because the whole rationale made a lot of sense to him. This infatuation with Arthur couldn't continue for much longer, could it? He didn't even really like Arthur that much. Maybe if they just worked it out of their systems...

"You didn't fuck her, did you?" Merlin asked. 

"What's it to you?" 

"It's just a question. But you didn't, did you?" 

"No." 

Merlin turned that over in his mind, considering it from all angles. There really was only conclusion to draw, but once Merlin did, he couldn't think of any reason to voice it. He almost wished he could return the answer, but Arthur very wisely didn't ask if Merlin had been telling the truth. 

He rolled to his side and sat up, gingerly touching his feet to the floor. He felt wobbly, and he didn't spare a second thought to his clothes. He'd get them in the morning. Or the afternoon. Sometime in the future when he could think clearly. 

Arthur didn't say anything as Merlin shuffled out. Merlin really didn't want to go, and he hoped Arthur really hated to let him. He detoured into the bathroom and scrubbed his chest and stomach. His cock was still sensitive, and he hardened almost as soon as he touched his soap-slick fingers to the tip. 

Merlin bit his lip, considering his options. He had just fucked the one person truly off-limits, and it had been pretty amazing. If anything deserved to be prolonged a little, it was that. He covered his palm with lotion and gripped himself, jutting his hip against the edge of the sink as he stroked himself. Merlin didn't try to make it last. It was quick and dirty, like the lunch time wanks he used to sneak at school. 

Arthur infected every corner of his mind. No matter what, his thoughts turned back to the blond again and again. He could still feel Arthur's cock plowing into his ass, still feel his hot, demanding mouth, and there was still so much more. He needed to get himself inside of Arthur sooner rather than later. His mouth had been a great start, but he wanted to bend Arthur over the couch or the breakfast table or the hood of Uther's BMW and see if he would scream like a girl. 

His mind shifted, and he imagined taking Arthur into the bathroom and swallowing his cock while Uther sat in the next room, calmly checking his Blackberry. It wasn't smart to go down that road. He shouldn't let the thought of getting one over on Uther excite him--at least, that alone shouldn't give him such a thrill. That would make him reckless and stupid, and the temporary rush of fucking Arthur would numb his brain until he did something catastrophic. 

He was still going to swallow Arthur's cock at the first opportunity. 

The thought pushed him over the edge, and he shot his load into the sink, squeezing out every drop between tight fingers. Sighing, he cleaned up his mess, moving slowly, his body sluggish. When he finally collapsed beside Uther, his eyes were already closed and refused to open again. Uther turned away from him, sprawling on his stomach. Merlin rolled on his side, leaving most of the bed between them.

 

#

 

"Merlin. Merlin, wake up." 

Merlin turned onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. He didn't know who was trying to wake him up and he didn't care. His eyelids were heavy and he was having the most wonderful dream about Arthur's hands. Well, the dream was about all of Arthur, but he was mostly focused on his long fingers and manicured nails. 

"Merlin..." A mouth close to his ear. The breath tickled him, but there was something sweetly familiar about it. He unconsciously turned towards it, seeking out more of that warmth in his sleepy state. 

Soft, pliant lips pressed against his mouth, and Merlin responded to the kiss without thought, opening to the slick slide of Arthur's tongue. He tasted like toothpaste, and there was the vague scent of Irish Spring soap. Merlin forgot about sleeping and he didn't care enough to ask about Uther. He pulled Arthur closer, legs tangling in the sheet as he struggled to wrap himself around the larger body. 

"Uther's on the lake," Arthur said as he wrapped his fingers around Merlin's cock. "Somewhere out in the middle." 

Merlin moaned and thrust against Arthur's hand. He had no choice but to trust the other man because he didn't have the wherewithal to check on Uther's location. He was still sleepy, his brain fogged with desire and dreams bleeding into reality. 

"Should get up. Go to your room." 

Arthur shook his head and threw his leg over Merlin's body, holding him in place and straddling his hips. He was as naked as Merlin, and Merlin could do nothing but stare at him, momentarily struck dumb by the sight. He'd seen Arthur before, and he knew his scent and taste, and none of the details of the body rising above him should have been a surprise. But Merlin was surprised because Arthur really was beautiful. 

Arthur reached behind him to hold Merlin's cock against the crack of his ass. He shifted up and rocked back down, rubbing himself along Merlin's shaft like a cat. Merlin caught Arthur's hand, bringing the fingers to his mouth. He sucked two of them past his lips, tongue winding around the thick digits, exploring his calluses, wondering just where they came from. Arthur sighed and pumped his wrist, curled his knuckles, drew the pads of his fingers over Merlin's lips. 

"I'm going to ride your cock," Arthur rasped, a little unnecessarily. Merlin knew exactly what Arthur intended to do. He grabbed the condom from where he discarded it on the bed, pulling his hand free to assist in the task. Merlin whimpered and jutted his hips, feeling triumphant when his cock brushed against Arthur's hole--his slick hole. Arthur was prepared for this, and that fact sent a hot jolt directly to his cock. The engorged muscle jerked in response, moving in Arthur's loose grasp as he fit the condom over the crown. 

Arthur pushed himself up on his knees, back arching, trunk half-twisting as he watched himself guide Merlin inside his waiting channel. Merlin watched him, Adam's apple bobbing convulsively, a shout already starting to form. This time, he didn't have to be quiet. This time, he could give voice to his very deep appreciation of Arthur's exquisite body. 

"Oh, yes." Arthur bit his lip and sank down another inch. "Oh...oh...fuck." Another inch. His walls squeezed tightly around Merlin, all heat and wicked pressure. It wasn't anything like fucking Will, and though he hated to think of the comparison, it wasn't like fucking Uther, either. Arthur was better and tighter. Another inch. Arthur was moaning now, head back, wanton mouth open. 

Merlin cupped Arthur's ass, spreading his cheeks wider as Arthur took the final inches. The heavy curtains were drawn, but streaks of light still intruded on the room, touching Arthur's hair and shoulders and stomach. Merlin followed the angles of light, tracing them as Arthur paused to adjust to Merlin's full length and catch his breath.

 

Merlin put his heels against the bed, bracing himself, pushing up as Arthur tried to ease away from him, chasing the heat. Arthur groaned and slammed back down, nearly knocking the breath from Merlin. He sat up again, one hand flat on Merlin's stomach, keeping him flat on the bed. Merlin allowed himself to be held down, entranced by the sight of Arthur riding up and then shifting back, fucking himself on Merlin's cock. 

Arthur wasn't graceful or steady, but neither was Merlin. It'd only been a handful of hours since they fucked, but it felt like months ago. It felt like Merlin's skin was hungry for contact, like he'd been left alone and aching for Arthur's touch. Most of all, Merlin couldn't shake the feeling that their first time had all been a dream, and this was still something brand new. Fresh. Never really experienced before. 

"Just don't stop," Merlin moaned.

"I won't," Arthur panted. "I won't...I won't...god Merlin..." 

The mattress bounced beneath them, the frame of the bed smacking rhythmically against the wall. Arthur bent at the waist, changing the angle of entry, and slipping his tongue between Merlin's lips. They teased each other, mouths dexterous even while everything else was clumsy and desperate. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur and quickened the pace, taking it over and forcing Arthur to move at his speed, follow his lead. Arthur groaned enthusiastically, his chest vibrating. 

Merlin let go and lost himself in Arthur. The morning unrolled itself, the sun spilling over the lake, and while Uther bragged on his skills as a fisherman (a pastime he didn't even enjoy to be perfectly honest), Merlin fucked his son until they were both speechless and shaking.

 

#

 

Arthur's dick was hard, and it was all Merlin's fault, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it. They'd spent the morning alternately grabbing at and ignoring each other. Uther came back to the house around lunch, but then he'd locked himself in his office for exactly fifty-seven minutes. Arthur was aware of each second of every minute, staring sightlessly at his computer, feeling woolly-headed and distracted. He clicked at Facebook and Twitter, refreshing mindlessly and debating with himself. He'd reasoned that Uther always lost track of time when he was on the phone and he should just go to Merlin. 

Then, to Arthur's horror, Merlin and Uther had gone for a walk. Being locked in that house without Merlin was somehow worse than being trapped with the other man. And he couldn't stop thinking about what the two of them must have been doing. Alone. On a romantic walk along the beautiful lake. And Merlin was a little slut with no shame, so being caught outside with no cover wouldn't deter Merlin from his husbandly duties. 

They'd been gone for two hours and twenty-nine minutes. Two hours and twenty-nine minutes. What else could they have been doing? Trying to walk around the entire lake? He understood Merlin had to agree to the outing, had to act like nothing was different, but it still bothered him. He wanted Merlin with him. 

After they returned, Arthur realized he couldn't spend time in the same room with Merlin without losing his mind. So he'd locked himself in his room, stripped down to his boxers, threw open the window, and paced around like a caged animal with the music blaring. But he couldn't stay up there all night. He had to join them for dinner. 

Uther chose to focus his attention on his son while they ate. Arthur didn't have time to stare at Merlin and plot a course for his mouth down the other man's skinny body. But his attention still drifted, and he guiltily caught himself gazing at Merlin more than once. His mind kept flashing to images of Merlin with his eyes heavy and his lips falling open. He still heard the echoes of Merlin's pleas, still marveled at how quickly Merlin had come undone for him. 

Merlin was as addicting as any drug, and Arthur needed his next hit like any junkie. He remembered all the dire warnings he'd received in school courtesy of the anti-drug programs--stay away from marijuana they'd said. Don't try alcohol. You might be addicted after the first drop they'd warned. Why had nobody thought to warn about desperate mouths and knowing eyes and long fingers and narrow hips? Why hadn't anybody think to warn him about Merlin? 

The day had been interminable, but the night, after dinner, promised to be so much worse. Uther suggested they watch a movie. Merlin settled on the couch. Arthur claimed the reclining chair on the other side of the room, positioning his head so he could watch Merlin from the corner of his eye without being obvious about it. They'd started the DVD and Uther promptly disappeared to take a call. 

Neither of them spoke, but Arthur couldn't stop looking at Merlin. He wasn't sure if Merlin noticed his staring until the other man slid his ass forward on the couch and spread his legs. There wasn't anything explicitly sexual about the position, or about the way Merlin's hands rested on his thighs, but Arthur's mouth still went dry. He forced himself to look away, trying to figure out just what they were watching, but his attention kept slipping. 

Merlin was moving his hand. 

Not a lot. In fact, if Arthur wasn't making such a study of him, he never would have noticed. His fingers were traveling closer and closer to the bulge in his pants. When his fingertips traced over the outline of his erection, Arthur gave up on the movie and shifted his weight, turning so he was fully facing Merlin. He licked his chapped lips, wondering just how far Merlin would be willing to take this with Uther only a floor above them.

 

Arthur pressed the heel of his hand against his throbbing flesh, like he was just trying to adjust himself. But the pressure was so good, so welcome, he couldn't bring himself to stop. He worked his hand over his length, wishing he could unzip his jeans. Merlin could stay where he was. He didn't need to move or speak or touch Arthur at all. 

Merlin parted his lips, licking them until the pink skin was gleaming. Arthur imagined catching it between his teeth and sucking on it until Merlin retaliated, forcing his tongue into Arthur's mouth. Merlin pulled at his fly in a distracted, thoughtless way. It opened, giving Arthur a tantalizing glimpse of the already-familiar shaft, and the dark nest of hair at his base. Arthur ached to do the same, his thumb and forefinger playing idly with his zipper for a moment before what was left of his common sense intervened. 

Merlin didn't free his cock from his boxers, like Arthur had expected. He ran his fingers down his stomach and over his thighs, muscles visibly twitching beneath the soft caress. Arthur's breath quickened as he watched, completely transfixed, his mind no longer on the movie, or Uther, or anything that wasn't Merlin's thin body. 

He pressed his hand harder against his shaft, increasing the pressure while he massaged himself. He knew he was leaking pre-come freely. His pants were already damp against his skin, and the heat was pooling low in his stomach. Arthur couldn't imagine that this would be enough to make him come, but then, it felt like Merlin was worming his way under Arthur's skin, just the sight of the other man enough to infect his blood. 

Merlin's other hand went to his mouth, his wet lips closing around two fingers. His lips puckered, and his cheekbones had never seemed to sharp. Arthur was still waiting to feel those lips wrapped around his cock, and the reminder of what he yearned for--of what he had yet to claim--made him shudder. He still wasn't doing anything particularly explicit, but every gesture, every second, was obscene, and delicious. Arthur's hips started to move, thrusting upwards like he was entering Merlin's mouth. 

Merlin was smiling around his fingers, but that smile disappeared quite suddenly. Arthur didn't understand why until Merlin closed his pants, and Arthur just had time to pull a throw pillow over his lap before Uther entered the room. 

Arthur closed his eyes and counted to ten. Even Uther's return wasn't enough to kill his boner, and he felt like his guilt was stamped all over his face. How could Uther not know exactly what he was thinking about? How could he not know that Arthur was wound up tighter than a Swiss watch? Merlin made him feel obvious and stupid and out of control and he was just sitting there on the couch. 

He couldn't excuse himself with a boner the size of New Hampshire. He had no choice but to sit and wait and not think about the ridge of Merlin's cock and the way it'd been visible. Or the way Arthur wanted to drag his tongue over the top of it, from tip to base. 

"Does anybody want a drink?" Arthur asked, when he thought he could walk like a normal person. "I think I want some tea."

"Tea would be lovely, thank you," Uther answered without looking up. 

"No, thanks." 

Arthur nodded and stood, horrified to see there was actually a dark patch about the size of a nickel on his pants. He hurried out of the room, not convinced that he was even going to return, despite Uther's request for tea. He stumbled into the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the light. The small bulb above the stove gave off just enough light to see by. He filled the kettle and set it on the stove, concentrating on the task and not the pull he felt, the urge to return to Merlin's presence. 

The light touch on the back of his neck would have pulled a scream from him if a large hand hadn't immediately covered his mouth. The touch was replaced by Merlin's hot, wet mouth, sucking on his neck like Merlin was actually hungry for his blood. Arthur gasped and braced himself against the counter with both hands. Merlin's palm pushed between Arthur and the counter edge, his long fingers easily sliding past the waistband of Arthur's jeans.

 

"What?" Arthur asked, the sound still muffled by Merlin's palm. 

Merlin responded by sinking his teeth into Arthur's neck and wrapping his fingers around Arthur's shaft. He felt Merlin's cock pushing into his ass, his hips moving in tiny jerks. Arthur pushed back, wishing the barriers between them were gone. Wishing Merlin could fuck him right there against the sink. But what Merlin was doing was almost as good. He stroked Arthur quickly. There was no finesse to it, no sense that he wanted this encounter to last any longer than it absolutely had to. But it was still perfect, and the kettle wasn't even whistling before Arthur came. He exhaled shakily, leaning heavily on the counter while Merlin continued to stroke his softening length. 

"Jesus Christ, Arthur," Merlin whispered, before finally pulling away. Arthur just stopped himself from whimpering in protest. 

"Come to my room tonight." 

"Maybe after he's asleep," Merlin said beneath the sound of water rushing from the faucet, washing his hands quickly. 

"You have to." 

"Arthur." 

"Please, Merlin." He knew he sounded pathetic, begging Merlin like that, but he didn't care. He was already in so much trouble that it didn't matter. 

"I'll try. Oh and Arthur? I think I'll take some of that tea."

Arthur didn't even think he could remember how to prepare tea. He cleaned himself up quickly, hoping that he'd feel normal by the time he returned to the den. But the sight of Merlin curled up the couch, tucked under Uther's arm, made Arthur realize there wouldn't be any sense of normal again.

 

#

 

Merlin had taken a commercial flight to Tahoe, but Uther naturally flew himself and Arthur up in his own plane. Which meant that they would be returning to Los Angeles in style, but being stuck in a tiny box with Uther and Arthur while hurtling through space at deadly speeds wasn't exactly Merlin's idea of fun. Especially since Uther started talking about some hostile takeover and Arthur naturally had opinions to share. They sat with their heads down, eyes locked on their Blackberrys as they spoke, lost in a world that only the two of them could inhabit. He could crook his finger at either one of them and probably get a blowjob before landing, but that was a pretty cold comfort. 

Arthur had already been a bit of an obsession, but sleeping with him hadn't improved the situation. No matter how many times they fucked, Merlin wasn't satisfied. Arthur's body was an endless source of pleasure, with infinite secrets. As soon as he solved one mystery about Arthur, there were five more to intrigue him. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't be caught staring at Arthur and focused on his iPod. Of course, every song (on shuffle) reminded him of Arthur.

Merlin sat between the two men on the last leg of the journey, wedged between them in the back of the town car, surrounded by their familiar scents and flushed from their combined body heat. He almost hated himself for thinking it, but the position invited his mind to wander down perverted paths. Like, for example, Uther taking him from behind while Arthur fucked his throat. He liked the way Uther fucked him--after nearly thirty years of experience he should be good at it--and he loved watching Arthur while pleasure overtook him. Arthur was already almost too beautiful for words. He was divine when his arrogant face was softened by passion and he was seconds away from begging. 

Merlin would have to be a wizard to make anything like that ever happen. So it was best to put it out of his mind completely. It'd be easier to do that if he wasn't wedged between them, one hand resting on Uther's thigh, and the other hand wedged between his and Arthur's bodies, fingertips tracing the back of Arthur's hand. Each whisper of contact sent thrills down his spine, and his gaze drifted to Arthur's lap, sharp eyes looking for a thickening of his cock. 

What if he got them really drunk? No, that probably wouldn't work. Uther would have to be drugged with powerful hallucinogens before he'd even consider sharing his husband with his son. 

Uther's phone rang shrilly in the tiny confines of the car. It broke the tense silence that had settled over them, and Uther almost sounded relieved when he said, "No, I'll meet you at the office." 

He still apologized to Merlin. He still kissed him and assured him that they would have dinner together the next night. Merlin nodded and kissed him back, as understanding as ever, though now the entire exchange seemed utterly hollow to him. He had once been sorry when Uther left him to his own devices, but now his cock was already stirring to attention, and the sound of the car door slamming practically turned him into one Pavlov's dogs. He had the feeling Arthur wouldn't mind Merlin slobbering all over his cock. 

"Do you want to go back to the house?" Arthur eventually asked, forehead against the window, eyes tracking the city as it sped by them. 

"No." 

"Where do you want to go?" 

"Anywhere else." 

 

Arthur nodded and leaned forward, opening the glass partition to speak to Gawain. He muttered something Merlin didn't catch, then slid the glass closed and leaned back. Merlin knew from experience that Gawain wouldn't see or hear anything that happened in the backseat--and judging from the look on Arthur's face, he knew it, too. 

"What did you tell him?" 

"I told him I wanted to see the ocean. He'll be taking us up the coast." 

"That's a long drive." 

"Yes." 

Merlin didn't make the first move. He was certain of that, but only because Arthur pinned him back against the door, trapping him in the corner of the seat with his broader body, his mouth fused to Merlin's like he never planned to stop kissing him. Merlin fisted his shirt and slid lower on the seat, lying flat on his back so Arthur could cover him completely. 

"I can't stop thinking about you," Arthur said harshly before kissing Merlin again with punishing pressure. Merlin responded with the same intensity, biting Arthur's lip and his tongue, sucking on the sore flesh, growling and moaning into his mouth. Every second with Uther had been like torture and Merlin hated it and he hated Arthur for making him feel that way. 

Arthur's fingers were as hard as his mouth when he pulled at Merlin's fly. He gripped Merlin's cock hard enough to make Merlin moan in protest, his hips jerking against the sudden flesh of pain. Arthur only smiled, and Merlin could almost taste his satisfaction. Arthur was hurting him with intent now, breaking away from his mouth to attack his jaw and the line of his neck. 

"Not so hard, Arthur," Merlin gasped, tilting his head to the side. "He'll notice." 

Arthur growled just a moment before his teeth sunk into the sinew under Merlin's ear. Merlin jerked beneath him, whimpering from the pain while his cock leaked fresh pre-come over Arthur's fingers. Before Merlin could tell him again to stop, Arthur released his neck to move lower, the pressure of his teeth stinging Merlin through his t-shirt. He closed around Merlin's nipple, biting him until Merlin cried out. His cock throbbed like a toothache, and no matter how he pushed himself against Arthur's hand, he couldn't find a second of relief. He wanted to whisper harder Arthur harder but any harder would definitely leave bruises. 

"I want to take you away and chain you up some place." 

"That's...pretty creepy, Arthur." 

But Merlin could tell it was meant to be by the way Arthur bit down, the way his fingers pressed too hard against his cock and down on his shoulder. Merlin threaded his fingers through Arthur's long hair, twirling around the strands and then tugging. Hard. Arthur broke away from him with a gasp, his eyes narrowed into slits. Merlin licked his swollen lips, and Arthur followed the gesture with his eyes. Merlin expected another hard kiss, but when Arthur claimed his mouth, it was strangely tender. Not gentle. Not gentle at all, but the pressure seemed incidental now, like Arthur only wanted to taste him and had no interest in hurting him. 

They kissed for a long time, licking at each other, rubbing their chins and noses together, chest constricting as they struggled to share breath. When Merlin opened his eyes, he could see a patch of California blue sky, no clouds in sight. There was almost no way of knowing if they were moving at all. When Arthur looked down at him, his eyes were almost the same shade of blue. Arthur thrust against his thigh, grinding into Merlin, but too distracted by long kisses to really do anything about it. Merlin couldn't blame him. He felt like he was suffocating in those kisses and he didn't want it to end. Especially since they didn't have to worry about Uther calling them or yanking open the door. As long as they were behind tinted class, as long as they were moving, nothing could touch them. 

"I could, you know." 

Merlin blinked at him hazily. "What?" 

"Take you away. Is it the money you want? You can have mine." 

"Wait. What?" 

"I don't want to see you with Uther anymore." 

"Because you want me to go with you?" 

"Yes." 

Merlin shook his head. "You don't mean that, Arthur." 

"I do." 

"No, your dick is hard and you aren't thinking clearly." To prove his point, Merlin shoved his hand down Arthur's pants. The angle was awkward, but he turned his wrist, dragging his palm down from the base. Arthur shuddered at the friction and Merlin squeezed, stroking him again. "Later tonight, when you're not so horny you're humping my leg, you'll know I'm right." 

Arthur shook his head, but Merlin was done talking. He pulled their mouths together again and put one leg up over the back of the seat. Arthur slid into the space Merlin made, setting more comfortably against him, and began to rock forward. Merlin hadn't dry-humped anybody since he was fifteen and his gym teacher insisted that they couldn't take their shorts off. But that situation had called for a good deal of compromise, and so did this one. Any friction was better than nothing at all, and they didn't exactly have the room to make anything else work. 

Arthur's mouth moved away from his again, and this time when he founded Merlin's tender throat, he didn't use his teeth. He licked hungrily, like he was gathering something sweet off Merlin's skin, and nuzzled against him, gasping Merlin's name with each thrust. Merlin arched into him, eyes rolling back with pleasure too bright, too sharp for the cramped back seat, fully clothed, bouncing over the rough grade of the Pacific Coast Highway. 

"Oh, Merlin, I'm..." Hot fluid covered Merlin's hand on the next beat, but Arthur didn't stop moving. His breathing roughened and he pumped his wrist with renewed fervor, hips rotating to grind into Merlin's palm, spreading the sticky come. Arthur was still hard, and now it was slick and Jesus Christ Merlin needed more than this. 

"Sit up." 

"What?" 

Merlin pushed at his shoulder. "Sit up." 

Arthur stared at him with dilated eyes but when Merlin shoved at him again, he pulled back. Merlin scrambled from beneath him, thankful that Uther had at least insisted on a car with a lot of leg room. Arthur sat in the middle of the bench seat, legs spread, cock jutting away from him. Merlin pushed his pants lower and scooped some of the come from Arthur's cock, reaching behind him to spread it around his tight hole. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid and oh fuck it was so stupid, but Merlin couldn't stop himself. 

"I'll do anything you want," Arthur promised as Merlin settled on his lap. 

"Don't say that." 

"But..." 

Merlin positioned Arthur's cock at his entrance and pushed down before he could change his mind, taking Arthur in a single stroke. Merlin fell forward, teeth closing on Arthur's shoulder as a spasm of pleasure tightened his muscles. 

"Merlin, I swear..." 

"Shut up." 

Arthur gripped his hips and held him down. Merlin tried to buck against the restriction, but Arthur was too strong for him. Merlin could only rock forward, cock pressed between them, leaving damp trails over Arthur's shirt. He turned his head and traced Merlin's ear with his tongue, the tip barely touching him, but it was enough to send chills down his spine. His throat was so tight, he was surprised he could breathe at all and Arthur's tongue just wouldn't stop. 

"Fuck me, Arthur." Merlin rasped the words directly into his ear. "Fuck me like I know you want to."

 

Arthur cursed and guided Merlin up, almost off his cock, then slammed him back down. It was quick enough to make Merlin's teeth click closed, narrowing missing his tongue. 

"Harder," Merlin moaned, almost choking on the word. His scalp tingled and heat spread through him until every inch of his body felt like it was on fire. Sweat rolled down his temples and the back of his neck, despite the cold blast from the air conditioner. Arthur complied, thrusting harder, and Merlin thrilled at the strength he felt in Arthur's quivering muscles. "God, Arthur. God...god..." 

The town car shifted sharply to the left and then to the right as Leon followed the curving highway. Merlin moved with the car, not resisting the shifting angles or the hard bumps as they hit the standard pot holes and ridges. Arthur kissed him, stealing any further words, his lips feeling like a punishment again. Merlin responded without hesitation, whimpering against Arthur's teeth and tongue, begging for more. 

When the pressure throbbed through his cock and behind his eyes and in his teeth, Merlin fisted his cock, pumping the length with firm, quick strokes. Arthur covered his hand, increasing the pressure but not disrupting Merlin's rhythm. 

"Arthur...Arthur...Arthur..." 

Arthur's other hand clamped over his mouth, cutting off Merlin's final cry as his back arched. He rode Arthur's cock as the pleasure overtook him, not slowing for a second, his muscles clenching and relaxing rapidly, pulling at Arthur like a tight fist. Arthur kept his hand over Merlin's mouth, but tilted his head forward, pressing his face to Merlin's chest to muffle his own shout. 

"I don't think we should go home like this," Arthur said once they were both capable of talking again. 

Merlin nodded and leaned over, turning the intercom on. "Gawain, will you take us to Lance's please?" 

"Yes, sir." 

Arthur looked at him with curious eyes. Merlin shrugged. "Lance is my oldest friend that I'm not fucking. He won't tell anybody and he'll let us use his shower." 

Arthur traced a half-circle on Merlin's neck. "What are you going to do about this?" 

"I don't know. Bring back the stylish turtle neck." 

"A neckerchief could work." 

Merlin snorted. "I'll think of something." 

"You've never had this problem before?" 

"No. The people I fuck are usually smart enough not to mark up the goods. I had to lower my standards for you." 

Arthur smiled. He wasn't supposed to smile. He wasn't supposed to make Merlin feel like he was melting.

 

#

 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Lancelot asked as soon as Arthur turned the shower on. The water rattled through the thin walls, shaking the pipes in the most obnoxious way. Merlin found it hard to believe he'd ever lived in a place so small, so cheap. He hadn't heard water shaking pipes in nearly a year, and it wasn't a sound he missed. 

"Lance..." 

"This isn't like fucking Will when you're bored. How do you think you're going to get away with this? Look at you." 

"Look, I know." 

"You're so fucking self-destructive. You destroy every good thing since we got here." 

Merlin narrowed his eyes. "I didn't come here for a lecture." 

"Tough." 

"You weren't supposed to know I'm fucking Will." 

"Everybody knows you're fucking Will. And you're a fool if you think Uther hasn't figured something out." 

"It's not entirely my fault." 

"What difference does that make?" 

"Why do you even care who I fuck? It's not like Uther's going to throw you out." 

Lance looked at him sadly and shook his head. "You really don't get it, do you? You got lucky with Uther. You fell into a better life than you could have ever imagined for yourself." 

"Hey, what the fuck is this? Are you believing all the press about me? You're supposed to be better than that." 

"Stop acting like a whore and people won't call you one," Lance bit out. 

Merlin reeled back, feeling like Lance had just punched him in the mouth. He almost wished it had just been a blow to the face. The pain might have faded sooner. Lance immediately softened, his mouth losing its hard line, his brow knitting with concern. 

"Merlin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." 

"Yes, you did." 

"I'm just worried about you." 

"And you think I'm not worried? I'm fucking terrified. Every time I fuck him, I promise myself it won't happen again. That this is it because it's not worth the risk. And then he looks at me with these eyes and I don't fucking know what's going on." Merlin ran his hand through his hair, leaving it on end while he stared at the bathroom door. "And now he's fucking in love with me or something." 

"He's in love with you? He's only known you for like, a week." 

"Yeah, I noticed." 

"What the fuck is going on, Merlin." 

"I don't know. I told him he was thinking with his dick and he should shut his mouth, but he's not going to let this go. I've seen that look before." 

"What?" 

"Uther. Look, the Pendragons are crazy. I mean, really nutso. If Uther loves you, he loves you more than anything in the world. If he hates you, you're the worst sort of scum. And his love...it's not a solid thing. He basically informed me I was going to marry him, and if I had a problem with that, I could shut the fuck up and deal." 

"Is that what he said when he proposed?" Lance asked dryly. 

Merlin shrugged. "More or less. And they're all like this. I've seen Morgana get scary intense over her eggs. Arthur's not going to let this go." 

"Didn't you have a pretty good idea of all of this before you slept with him?" 

Merlin looked at Lance miserably. 

"Oh my god, that's what you like about him. You're like some sort of...emotional vampire." 

Merlin sighed. "Yeah, that's pretty much it." 

"You know you've got to break it off with Arthur. Like as soon as he comes out of that room." 

Merlin knew that was true, but he couldn't imagine himself actually doing it. He intended to keep his hands to himself on the ride back home, but if he managed that, he couldn't guarantee that he'd be able to make it through the night. Arthur was constantly right there, working through Merlin like a goddamned virus. 

"You know this isn't going to end well. It's going to end like a fucking tragedy." 

"What? A murder-suicide pact?" 

"It wouldn't surprise me." 

"I don't think things are going to get that melodramatic." 

"Yeah, Uther would probably just settle for murder." 

Merlin swallowed, feeling like that was a little too on the nose. He couldn't exactly say with certainty that Uther wouldn't kill him, just like he couldn't quite say with certainty that Arthur wouldn't chain him up given the opportunity. 

"God, I wish I could say that was a joke," Lance muttered.

 

"Yeah." 

What Lance didn't understand was that Arthur really wasn't going to just quietly let things end. The pull between them was too great to ignore. Merlin would have to literally force Arthur out of the house. Turn Uther against his only son. Devastate the relationship. It would save his hide in the long run, but the thought was simply too cruel for Merlin. If he hated either Uther or Arthur that much, this wouldn't be so fucking difficult. The noble thing would be to leave first. Use Will as his cover and flee across the country. 

"You've been my best friend since we were kids, Merlin. I just...hate to see you do this to yourself. It reminds me of when..." 

"Lance," Merlin said warningly. 

"Maybe if you ever talked about what happened, you wouldn't be cursed to relive it again and again." 

"It was a phase." 

"It wasn't a fucking phase. It's your life." 

"I'm not crazy." He said it with complete sincerity, despite the insane turn his life had taken. It wasn't crazy to have feelings for Arthur. Stupid and dangerous, yes. But not crazy. Not anymore. 

"Why don't you come with me for a few days and get a breather?" 

"Where are you going?" 

"To Mexico. Come on. You love the beach." 

Merlin shook his head. "I'll only fuck one of the cabana boys." 

"You sound so resigned." 

"Because it's inevitable." 

"It doesn't have to be." 

Merlin shrugged. Maybe not. But that's the way it was. The way it had always been. And that's why Uther and Arthur were both so dangerous to him. Because things couldn't just be physical with them. The emotions always broke through, broke in, broke him apart.

#

 

Merlin could get lost in Uther's house, but he couldn't hide from Arthur. He made the effort, but Arthur always found him. He was beginning to suspect there was a closed-circuit security system set up, because Merlin couldn't figure out how Arthur found him without the assistance of technology. He couldn't even pretend to be surprised when the door opened, spilling yellow light into the dark theater, and then whispered shut.

Arthur sat beside him in the corner, comfortably folding his hand over Merlin's. Merlin didn't refuse him these little moments of contact. Not if they were alone. Not if they were in the dark. 

"Merlin." 

"Arthur." 

"I don't know you." 

"No, I suppose you don't." 

Arthur turned his body toward Merlin and looked at him expectantly. Merlin closed his eyes and ignored him. He was not going to be Arthur Pendragon's new favorite hobby. 

"How did you meet Uther?" 

"God, I hope you don't consider this foreplay." 

"I don't. I'm talking to you."

"We met at the theater." 

"The theater." 

"Yes. I was one of the valets. He had been invited for a charity event and the play was something dreadful. Really experimental. Not something somebody like Uther could appreciate. He ducked out after the first act and caught me smoking. I offered him one, he said he didn't smoke anymore, so I handed him mine. Then I said something rude about his date and he laughed." 

Merlin smiled at the memory. Uther's smile had been easy and charming, the corners of his eyes crinkling pleasantly. Merlin had been smitten at once, surprised by how...human...Uther was. Of course Merlin had known who the older man was, but he had flirted with him anyway. It had seemed natural. The problem was, Merlin had always liked Uther. There was a surprising sense of humor buried inside of him, and Merlin thought Uther must have been brilliant when he was younger. 

"He took me out that night. My boss wouldn't let me go, so Uther calmly informed him that I quit and that was that." 

"It seems so ordinary." 

"It was ordinary, Arthur. Our life together is very ordinary." 

"Except for the people you fuck on the side." 

"Until you, it wasn't plural." 

"That's not exactly commendable." 

"Does that mean you don't want to fuck again? I'd hate for you to think I'm evil."

"How old are you?" 

Merlin laughed. "Twenty-two." 

"Were you born in California?" 

"No. I moved here three years ago. I used to live in Lovelock." 

"Nevada?" 

"Yes." 

"You're shitting me." 

"What?" 

"Nobody lives in Lovelock." 

"Well, I did. Me and Lance." 

"Why did you choose Los Angeles instead of San Francisco? Comparable cost of living, and San Francisco was closer to you." 

"Lance was accepted to UCLA, and I was going to transfer there after two years. It would have been cheaper for me to go to school in Reno or Las Vegas, but I couldn't stay in Nevada." 

"Were you on a scholarship?" 

"Several." 

"So, are you still going to school?" 

"I've got a year left," Merlin said, sidestepping the question. They moved as they spoke, their heads drifting together until their mouths were nearly touching. Arthur wanted to kiss him. Merlin could feel him straining for the contact, and Merlin wanted to gulp down the smell of him. 

"Why do you keep doing this?" Merlin asked. 

"I told you, I can't stop thinking about you." 

Merlin made the first move, dipping his head to catch Arthur's lower lip. Arthur let him suck on the soft skin for a moment before pulling away. 

"What's your favorite color?" 

"No more questions." 

"Merlin." 

Merlin cupped Arthur's face, holding him for another kiss. He traced Arthur's lips, tongue gliding over the skin delicately. "No more questions." 

Arthur sighed, but he didn't pull away from Merlin's exploration.

 

#

 

Merlin kept a ledger in his mind. He kept track of every kiss and touch that passed between himself and Arthur. He marked down every time Arthur cornered him and attacked with mouth and hands. And the nights he snuck into Arthur's room, slipping between the sheets and around Arthur's solid body. Arthur was always waiting for him, ready to pull him closer and open his body with a probing tongue. 

The only time he forgot about the ledger, forgot about consequences, was when Arthur fucked him face-to-face with one large hand over Merlin's mouth, muffling inevitable shouts. His fingers pressed into Merlin's jaw hard enough to leave red marks, but he always kept his face close to Merlin's, close enough that his hot breath washed over Merlin's damp skin. They moaned with every thrust, echoing each other, moving together so perfectly that Merlin couldn't remember anything beyond Arthur's body. 

It shouldn't be so good. When Arthur finally collapsed on top of him, sticky and exhausted, Merlin told himself it couldn't be that good. Arthur licked at his throat and his mouth, too tired to kiss him properly, too needy to hold Merlin without tasting him. Merlin sighed softly, chin tilting back, basking under Arthur's attention. Sometimes, Arthur was content to nuzzle and kiss his damp skin for hours. And Merlin let him. It scared him how happy he was to let Arthur do that. 

"Where do you want to live?" Arthur asked, rolling onto his back and pulling Merlin with him, so he was mostly sprawled over him, straddling Arthur's thigh. 

"Is that a trick question?" Merlin pillowed his head on Arthur's shoulder, eyes heavy. He'd have to leave no later than four, and it was already two. Meeting Arthur at night was always the most stressful. Uther was a heavy sleeper, but what if he woke up and found Merlin gone? Once wouldn't be so bad. But what if it happened more than once? What if Uther noticed a pattern? He might be concerned that Merlin's insomnia had returned, and Merlin would feel lower than dog shit if he used Uther's concern to obscure the truth. 

"No. Do you like it here? We could live anywhere, you know." 

"We?" 

"Yes. You and me." 

"Arthur..." 

"I have my own money, you know." 

"You work for your father." 

"Merlin, shut up," Arthur said, not exactly unkindly. "You have no idea what I do or how it relates to Uther." 

"That's probably true, but I know Uther would cut you'd off. It'd be like being in exile or something. He'd never forgive that." 

"So if Uther wouldn't cut me off, you'd leave with me?" 

Merlin sighed. "No, that's not exactly what I meant. I'm talking about long-term, serious consequences." 

"They'd be worth it." 

"You don't know that." 

"Yes, I do." 

Merlin lifted his head. "No. You don't. What makes you think for a second we'd be happy together? You'd be jealous and awful all of the time. With good reason, since I've fucked around on every single person I've ever been with. You'd lose your only family. Lance would never talk to me again. We'd hurt each other every single day." 

"I don't think so." 

"No offense, Arthur, but you're sort of dense when it comes to people and emotions." 

"Do you want to know what I think?" 

"Not really." 

"I think you're in love with me. I think that's why you're still here and why you keep coming back. I think Uther's too old for you. I think you're too young and too smart and too vibrant to be another one of his toys that he plays with when he's got a few minutes away from work. I think you married him for companionship and a comfortable life and I can give you that." 

"Arthur...you don't--"

"Don't tell me I don't know you." Arthur hooked his chin and lifted his head. Arthur was giving him a hard look, his eyes brimming with determination. "I know enough to know Uther isn't good for you. You're stagnating here." 

"Stagnating?" 

"You sleep with Will because you're bored, Merlin. You fuck him because it's something to do. Uther doesn't really want you to go back to school because then you'd have a life, and you wouldn't be at his beck and call. Isn't that right?" 

Merlin tried to pull away, but Arthur was stronger. He refused to let Merlin go. Merlin collapsed again, too exhausted to fight him for long. 

"Tell me I'm wrong. Make me believe it."

 

Merlin took a deep breath and forced his heart to harden. When he looked up again, he knew his eyes were cold, and his voice held a deadly edge. "You're wrong. You're a good lay Arthur, but that's it. That's all it will ever be." 

For a moment, Arthur believed him. His face flashed with shock and pain, his bottom lip jutting out a bit as he absorbed the blow. But Arthur was too good at this to let it be a knockout hit. He grasped Merlin's wrist and turned him over, pinning Merlin to the mattress with his arm trapped above his head. His other arm was stuck between their bodies, and Arthur's blue eyes were hard, his jaw set with Pendragon determination. 

Merlin closed his eyes and turned his head. 

"Don't look away from me. I know what you're trying to hide. What you don't want me to see." 

Arthur moved his hips, grinding against Merlin until his cock was hard again. Merlin felt Arthur's erection pressing against his thigh, flesh throbbing like the last two hours never happened. His body responded automatically, warming at the smooth skin and hard flesh. He held himself still, not even arching off the bed when Arthur shifted his weight so the bottom of his cock slid over Merlin's flat stomach with each thrust. 

"What are you doing?" 

Arthur fisted Merlin's half hard cock, stroking until he was thick and solid again. "I'm going to make you tell me the truth." 

"Don't." 

"Tired of you lying, Merlin. To me and yourself." 

"Arthur, listen..." 

"What are you afraid of, Merlin?" His voice was ragged down, and his cock painted Merlin's skin with pre-come. His stomach clenched, the muscles in his abdomen pulling tight with excitement. He could feel Arthur's intent, and it made his mouth dry, everything spinning above his head. 

"I'm not afraid. I'm not lying to you." Both of those might have been lies. He was still sore from earlier. Generally, it would be his turn to fuck Arthur so he could have some time to recover. But those sorts of considerations clearly weren't on Arthur's mind, and his flesh stung, aching as soon as Arthur pressed his fat crown against Merlin's hole. He pushed in without further preparation or lube, relying on what remained from earlier. It burned and Merlin clenched down, trying to resist him, but Arthur didn't let up. 

"Let me in," Arthur ground out. 

"It's not what you want." 

"Yes, it is." 

Merlin shook his head, but he relaxed, allowing Arthur to fill him completely. "You want a connection. A real one. This isn't it, Arthur. This is just fucking." 

Arthur growled and pressed their mouths together, thrusting his entire forward. He moved out and slammed forward again, hard enough to make Merlin grunt. His body was still loose-limbed and exhausted, and he absorbed each hard thrust, feeling like nothing more than a rag doll. Merlin couldn't remember exactly what point Arthur had been trying to prove. He couldn't exactly remember what Arthur wanted him to say or do. Arthur pushed himself to his knees, pulling Merlin's legs to his shoulders, holding Merlin's hips for better leverage as he started a punishing rhythm. 

Merlin didn't try to resist again. He embraced the way his flesh burned, the ache of it, the sharp slap of skin against skin. Arthur didn't try to soften the assault, didn't even make an effort to protect Merlin from his strength. His eyes squeezed shut and he sobbed for breath, losing himself in the all-too-familiar pleasure. He wanted to beg Arthur not to stop. He wanted to be fucked until dawn, until he was nothing but bruised, trembling flesh. They'd been fighting before, but Merlin barely remembered that now. He had to leave Arthur's room, but he didn't really remember that, either.

 

Merlin's balls pulled tight, and he naturally wrapped his fingers around himself. But Arthur took his wrist and pulled his hand away, stretching over Merlin's body to hold it above his head once again. He buried himself in Merlin and then stopped, each minute twitch of his cock sending fresh shockwaves through Merlin. Arthur stared right down at him, his eyes locked with Merlin's. Merlin couldn't make himself look away from Arthur, and he couldn't breathe. He'd never been pulled so taut, never balanced on such a narrow precipice. Arthur rolled his hips and that was it. Merlin pulled Arthur down to him, desperately seeking his mouth to muffle his loud moan as his hips stuttered against Arthur's and he shot come across his ridged stomach. 

"This is more than fucking," Arthur whispered harshly. 

 

What if he was right? What if Arthur was right about everything? What if he'd truly met the wrong Pendragon first, and Arthur was the one who made everything fit together properly? 

"This has to end." 

Arthur pulled back, blinking and dazed. "What?" 

"We have to stop. This isn't going to end any other way." 

"You really mean that? After what just happened?" 

Merlin nodded, his throat tightening. His heart was crumbling, breaking apart and sliding into a dark sea, and if Arthur didn't release him, this was all going to go horribly wrong. Merlin couldn't even tell himself this was for the best. No matter what he did, he was going to be miserable. At least if he made a decision now, he might be able to avoid something even worse down the road. He was not going to be responsible for destroying Arthur's life. And he didn't care what Arthur said, leaving Uther for him would not make anybody's life better.

 

#

 

The next day, Arthur informed Uther that he was cutting his trip short and flying to London, of all places. Merlin wasn't there at the time, of course. He didn't emerge from his bedroom until after lunch, head aching from the handful of hours he slept. His dreams had been tedious, his brain caught on an endless loop. He couldn't remember the details, only the sense that he was trapped and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, he couldn't break away from the repetition. 

Merlin didn't even find out about Arthur's departure from Uther. It was Morgana who found him at the pool and stretched out in the lounge chair beside him. Her oversized sunglasses blocked most of her face, and Merlin debated returning to the house. It was difficult to deal with Morgana at the best of times. Especially since he always had the sense she could look right through him. 

"Arthur lasted longer than I expected him to," Morgana said casually, like she and Merlin regularly chatted about Arthur. 

"What?" 

"Normally he only stays for about a week before he's running to the other side of the planet. Do you think that's a sign of progress?" 

"He's leaving?" 

"Flying to London tomorrow night." 

"Why?" Merlin knew it was a stupid question, but he still wanted the answer. 

Morgana shrugged and turned the cover of her magazine. "He didn't say. But that's how all his little visits end. He and Uther get on each other's nerves and then Arthur disappears for another year." 

"They're too much alike." 

Morgana lowered the magazine to her lap. "Do you think so?" 

"Don't you?" 

"Arthur's nothing like Uther. Uther's so cold. And Arthur's...well I don't have to tell you." 

"Uther's not cold," Merlin said uncomfortably. "I know he loves you. He dotes on Arthur." 

"I don't think he likes Arthur that much. Oh, he loves his son, there was never any question of that. But he doesn't really understand Arthur. I think that's why they've been at odds with each other for, well, most of Arthur's life." 

"Oh." 

"Besides, Arthur has a lot of resentment. It must be difficult constantly living in Uther's shadow. Anyway, you know what I meant about Uther being cold." 

Merlin decided to ignore that. "Do you think he'll come back?" 

"He always does." 

"Because of business? Doesn't Uther own Camelot Construction?" 

"No. It used to be part of the Pendragon Corp, but Arthur bought controlling shares just after he turned twenty-one with the money his mother left him. It was right when the bottom dropped out of the market and it looked like nobody was going to build another house again. Everybody told him he was making a huge mistake, but he got the stocks for pennies on the dollar and he managed to keep treading water despite the economy. He even made a good profit in 2009. God knows how." 

Merlin frowned. Well that explained why Arthur locked himself away in his room for hours every day. He probably couldn't afford to just stop working for two weeks. 

"I doubt the trip to London is work-related then. Unless he plans to go international." 

"His ex is living there now. Maybe he wants to see her again." 

Merlin struggled to keep the grimace from his face. "I didn't know that." 

"I doubt he would have mentioned her." 

"It'll be good when things get back to normal around here. Arthur disrupts things too much."

Morgana arched a finely shaped brow at him and then opened her magazine again. Merlin stared at the edge of the water, watching the light bend, fracturing in the depths. They needed distance from each other. A few thousand miles and a few weeks should put everything right once again.

 

#

Merlin didn't understand exactly what the fight was about, but he knew it was loud and violent. He sat in the bedroom he shared with Uther, perched on the foot of the bed, hands resting on his knees, trembling like a frightened dog. The fight might have been about him. Uther might have caught sight of the two of them. Or Arthur might have told him for whatever reason. All Merlin knew was that he hated the violence of their argument, the nearly shapeless shouts of accusation and retaliation. 

It had started over dinner. Merlin had been absorbed in his potatoes and self-pity, doing his best to get through the awkward meal without directly looking at Arthur or making Uther suspicious. Morgana sat beside him, equally silent, though perhaps not quite so self-absorbed. Merlin didn't even sense the rising tensions until Uther set his glass down a little too forcefully and the china trembled in response. 

Arthur replied with a very measured gesture. He sipped his wine and deliberately placed the glass on the table, his face blank. He looked up, meeting Uther's gaze, and Merlin saw something pass between them. Merlin froze, potatoes and self-pity forgotten, a chill pinching the back of his neck. Uther's eyes narrowed slightly, taking Arthur's measure, and Arthur didn't blink. 

They didn't speak again at the table. Both of them were a little too pointed in their movements, as if every casual gesture was actually carefully calculated for victory. Merlin would have been more self-conscious, but neither man looked at him. Finally, the food was clear from the plates and Uther announced he had emails to answer and he would be in his study for the rest of the night. 

Arthur followed him. 

"What the fuck is going on?" Merlin asked tightly. 

Morgana only shrugged before announcing she was going to meet Morgana at the Santa Monica pier. "You can come with us if you want." 

Things weren't quite so bad that Merlin would willingly spend an evening with Morgause. An hour later, he came to regret that decision. Even fielding Morgause's occasional barbs and glares would have been preferable to sitting alone in his room, fucking terrified. He didn't know how two grown men could progress so rapidly to childish shouting. Especially the particular men in question. 

Should he go to them? Open the door and tell them to just talk like normal people? Try to get between them and shout you're scaring the fuck out of me, could you shut the fuck up? No, it was best not to attract attention to himself. Whatever the fuck was going on downstairs, he did not want to get caught in the middle of it. 

If they killed each other, would the authorities ask him why he hid in the bedroom like a girl instead of trying to stop them or get help? Even if he wanted to get help, who would he call? Gawain was pretty big, and he lived above the garage. Maybe Merlin could convince him to intervene? He'd pay. Out of his own pocket, if he had to (not that he had much to give anymore). 

They probably weren't going to kill each other. The odds were in favor of both of them surviving the night. But Uther's temper was quick and he collected old swords and there were at least eight in his study. There were probably guns in there, too. Merlin never thought to ask about that. 

He could go stay at Lance's for the night. As far as Merlin could tell, there were no downsides to that plan. Except Lance would probably lecture him again, insult him, and rub salt in a very old wound. But he acted out of love, and Merlin could tune him out in the interest of maintaining the peace. 

Merlin stood, resolved to be gone before they murdered each other. Not the bravest decision he ever made in his life, but probably the smartest. Maybe Arthur would be gone by the time he returned the next morning, and he could try to pretend none of this ever happened. Except for the thousands of reminders of Arthur that now surrounded him. He'd never be able to go back to Tahoe, or watch a movie in the theater room, or eat at the kitchen table. Or the dining room table. And forget about sitting on the couch. 

He didn't bother with packing a bag. He snagged his toothbrush from the bathroom and a clean pair of boxers and left the bedroom before he could change his mind.

 

Merlin almost made it to the door. The cool metal was almost in his hand. He could taste freedom, and if he'd gotten off his ass a little bit earlier, he would have been on the other side of the thick oak instead of standing in the foyer when the study door flew open and Arthur stormed out, Uther hot on his heels. 

Merlin froze, eyes wide, heart pounding in his ears. He had never seen Uther look so wild-eyed with fury. Arthur was an icy contrast to his red-faced father, all quiet, stony rage. The air snapped between them, and Merlin realized in the hard silence that the fight wasn't over him. They were dealing with bigger issues than Merlin. Which was something of a relief. 

"Your mother never would have condoned this." 

"It's business. She understood business." 

"This isn't business. This is you being a spoiled child," Uther spat. 

"No, this is me breaking away from you and your need to control everything. This is me standing up for myself. Every time I made a decision, every goddamned time, I know that you'll be calling me within an hour. You don't trust me." 

"Did it ever occur to you that I don't trust you for a reason? You don't have an instinct for business." 

"I don't have your instinct. I don't want to run Camelot Construction the way you want to. And I don't have to." 

"You already have controlling interest. You don't need my shares as well." 

"I'm cutting my ties with you. I'll force you out if you have to." 

"And where did Merlin fit in your little power play?" 

At the mention of his name, they both looked at him for the first time. Uther's eyes were flinty and Arthur's were...Merlin didn't know what to make of the look on Arthur's face. Merlin just wished terrorists would bust through the windows, or the cops would show up with sirens and bullhorns, or aliens would land on the front lawn. Anything that would take the attention off him. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Arthur ground out. 

It was a valiant effort, but Merlin was sure his own face undermined any attempt Arthur might make to deny the implications. He'd always been too expressive, too emotional, his guilt always written in his skin. 

"It started in Tahoe. I've known you your entire life, Arthur. Did you really think I would be so easy to fool? At first, I couldn't decide if you were fucking him or if you were just trying to make me jealous. But I have my answer now." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"Did you think you could blackmail me, Arthur? Did you think I would allow something like that? If so, you greatly overplayed your hand." 

Blackmail? Merlin almost didn't hear anything after that word, his heart was racing so fast. Arthur wouldn't have used him like that, would he? Maybe at first. Maybe that was why he had flirted with him. But after? When Arthur had begged him to leave Uther? That hadn't been fake...that couldn't have been fake. 

"Merlin has nothing to do with this. Stop trying to distract from the issue." 

"Arthur, I'm warning you one final time. If you do this, I'll have no consideration for the fact that you're my son. I've taken out bigger companies than Camelot Construction." 

Arthur folded his arms. "I'd be more worried about that threat if you weren't so frightened." 

Uther's lips thinned until they disappeared. "Get out of my house." 

"Give me the shares." 

"Fine." 

Arthur's smile was sharp and pleased. Merlin swallowed as Arthur approached him, momentarily forgetting that he was standing right in front of the door. He didn't remember until Arthur reached for the doorknob around Merlin. 

"Come with me."

 

The words were no more than a whisper, but Uther's sharp ears still picked them up. 

"Don't embarrass yourself, Arthur." 

Merlin blinked, trapped by the intensity, the sincerity, in Arthur's eyes. He processed Uther's words in a distant way, too much of his attention being devoured by Arthur and everything that made him Arthur. Of course Arthur hadn't been using him. If anything, Merlin had been using him. He'd played Arthur, manipulated the situation, treated everything like a game, even after Arthur made it clear he wasn't just playing anymore. 

"Why? Because you've given him such a great life? You're suffocating him and he lets you." 

"He's not going anywhere with you." 

"He doesn't love you." 

Uther chuckled. It made Merlin think of raw knuckles and bloody mouths. "He doesn't love anybody but himself. I knew that when I married him." 

Arthur turned away from him to face his father, but Merlin still couldn't breathe. The blood was rushing from his head, and all heard was a roar in his ears as everything started to get wobbly. 

"Then why did you marry him?" 

"I had my reasons." 

Arthur took his arm. "Merlin, come with me. You don't need to stay here." 

"I can't," Merlin whispered. 

Arthur looked stricken. "Merlin." 

"Arthur...I'm sorry. I tried to tell you..." 

"I don't understand. Tried to tell me what?" 

A hard hand gripped his shoulder and bodily yanked him away from Arthur. Uther pulled him close, a possessive arm going around him, physically stopping him from walking out. Merlin felt like a prized toy on the playground. Something that would be treasured until the threat disappeared and then he'd be casually tossed aside. Uther didn't love him, that much was clear, and Merlin didn't love him either. 

He loved Arthur. And he would never have the chance to explain. He didn't need Arthur to forgive him for this, but the fact that he could never explain burned in his chest. 

Arthur's attention lingered on him, and Merlin was uncomfortably sure that Arthur was burning the image of Uther holding him into his memory. It would be the image he'd return to again and again until he finally learned to hate Merlin. 

Then he was gone. 

Merlin tried to break away, simply wanting to escape. He had no plan to follow Arthur, but Uther adjusted his grip on Merlin, pulling his arm back and high to his shoulder blades. 

"Where do you think you're going?" 

"I just..." 

Uther cut him off by pulling his arm higher. The pain tore through his shoulder, forcing a whimper from him. "Did you think you could get away with it in my own house? I don't really expect perfect loyalty from you, Merlin, but you will not make a fool out of me." 

"I wasn't--" 

Uther shoved him forward, face first into the door. "I think you've forgotten your place. Would you like me to remind you?"

"Please don't." 

But Uther ignored him. He was deaf to every one of Merlin's pleas as he became the focal point of the rage he had wanted so much to avoid.

 

#

 

When it came down to it, Lancelot was the best friend a person could ask for. The first time Merlin had shown up with a bruise on his cheek, Lance had silently offered him a Tootsiepop. Merlin sucked away the hard candy and gnawed on the tootsie roll and something about the sweet, orange and chocolate had made things better. Merlin had been four, and the man he knew as his father hadn't really meant to hit him, he just got so frustrated sometimes. Merlin had understood in his childish way that Kanen was really good for his mother. After he moved in, Hunith had been able to quit her job and she was home every day with Merlin. Merlin had liked that because it meant he didn't have to go to daycare. 

Lance had always understood discretion. People always asked Merlin why he was hurt and where the bruises had come from, and Merlin had always been forced to lie. He hated to lie to his teachers ("I fell down the stairs") and his friends ("I fell off my bike") and maybe he had adopted a slightly clumsy persona in school because it made the lying easier. But Lancelot never put him in that position. 

When Merlin knocked on Lance's door with new bruises and an entire new story he didn't want to be forced to lie about, Lance pulled him into a hug and held him for a long time. Except, this time, he didn't let the silence pass as an explanation. 

"What happened?" 

"The thing you warned me about. I know...I know it takes real balls to come here after you told me...but I didn't have anywhere else..." 

"Merlin, don't be stupid. You can always come here. You know my house is yours. I'll make some tea." 

He led Merlin to the couch and he sank to the worn cushions gratefully. He stared at the carpet between his feet, losing track of time in his exhaustion, until Lance set a mug on the table in front of him. 

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" 

Merlin shook his head. 

"Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure." 

"I still have some vicodin left over from my oral surgery. I'll give you one and you can get some rest." 

"Thanks. Does it always hurt to do the right thing? I figured you're the only person I know who could answer that." 

"Depends on the thing, I guess. What did you do?" 

"I let Arthur leave without me. He asked me to go with him, but I realized I loved him. I mean, I really, really love him." 

"Then why didn't you leave with him?" 

"That's why. What could I ever give somebody like Arthur? With Uther it was easy. He told me...everybody was right, Lance. I'm literally a whore." 

"You're not a whore." 

"Yes, I am. That's what you call somebody who fucks somebody else for money." 

"You're more than that. You're better than Uther deserves. That's for damned sure." 

"I'm not going back there. I can't. I'm not going to be beat up every day. I've had enough of that for a couple of lifetimes." 

"Well, at least you are capable of making good choices." 

Merlin almost smiled at that. "Sometimes." He sipped from his mug. The tea was exactly the way he liked it because Lance would never do any less. "I've been thinking about Edwin." 

"I know." 

"Pretty predictable, huh?" 

"It's not a big surprise that all this would stir up those memories." 

"He was brilliant. Do you remember how fucking brilliant he was? He'd be starting med school soon." Merlin blinked rapidly, but his eyes were already burning and there wasn't enough energy to stop the flood of memories. 

"He was...disturbed." 

"He wasn't disturbed. He was hurt. I hurt him so much Lance..." 

"Merlin, he had serious problems. None of them related to you. Besides that you were just a kid. With your own problems." 

"I killed him."

 

"For Christ's sake, you didn't kill him. Will you look at me, please?" 

Merlin forced himself to lift his gaze because Lance was his oldest friend. And as his oldest friend, Lance was practically duty bound to tell him that he wasn't at fault, that Merlin wasn't the reason Edwin had ended his own life.

"Merlin, you've got to move past it or it's going to destroy you." 

"No. You said it yourself. That time...it wasn't just...a phase I went through. It's my life. I did that to him and I'll do the same thing to Arthur, sooner or later. And Lance...I can't...I can't risk that." 

"I did not mean that. You know I didn't mean that. I meant what happened after..." 

Merlin shook his head. It was all the same clusterfuck. It was all the same mistake. "I need to sleep." 

Lance nodded. "We're not done talking about this." 

Lancelot insisted on helping Merlin into the bedroom, stripping him down, and tucking him in with the promised vicodin. Merlin accepted it with a shaky sigh of relief, swallowing it with the last of his tea, and waiting for the darkness to take him. 

#

Voices pulled him from sleep. At first, Merlin thought his ears were playing tricks on him, or he was still drugged, or the stress of the past two weeks had finally made him crazy. But as the world solidified around him, he realized the familiar voice wasn't a trick or a dream. It was real. Arthur was there. 

Merlin pushed the blankets away and stood, ignoring his first instinct to hide in the room until Lance finally forced him to leave. All he knew was that Arthur was there and he missed Arthur. He missed Arthur's mouth, and the smell of his neck, and the down soft edges of his hair. He missed Arthur's insistent, wrongheaded questions, and his stubbornness. And maybe if he gave Arthur a proper goodbye, Arthur would stay away.

"You need to leave. Merlin is in no condition to deal with..." 

"Let him stay, Lance." 

Arthur was standing at the door, and when he saw Merlin, he literally shoved Lance aside and stormed in like he owned the place. 

"Did Uther do that to you?" Arthur touched the side of Merlin's face with gentle fingers. "Did he?" 

"Yes."

Arthur half-turned his body, like he intended to march himself right back to Uther's mansion. Merlin caught his sleeve and pulled until Arthur's attention returned to him. 

"Don't. It's not that bad." 

"He had no right." 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Morgana told me you left and she didn't think you were coming back. I wanted to see you." 

"I thought you'd be in London by now." 

"No I...I changed my mind about that. But now we can collect your things and go to London together." 

"No." 

"I'm not accepting that for an answer." 

"You have no choice." 

"I'm not leaving here with you." 

"I'm pretty sure Lance could make you leave. Or he could call the cops." 

"Merlin, wouldn't it just be easier to come with me?" 

"I can't." 

"Why not? Don't you think you can at least give me a fucking explanation?" 

"Yes." 

Arthur looked surprised. "Really?" 

"I owe you that much." 

Lance sighed. "I'm going out to get dinner. Thai okay?"

Merlin nodded, half convinced he'd never eat again. His stomach hurt too much for food. He led Arthur to the couch, rubbed his hands over his thighs, and searched for the right place to begin. 

"When I was fifteen, I met this boy named Edwin."

 

#

 

Arthur couldn't quite concentrate on what Merlin was trying to tell him. The bruises on Merlin's face were a deep purple, and there were bluish, yellow hints just beneath his collar. Every mark was an accusation. He should have dragged Merlin out of that house. He should have gone back. He should have made sure he stayed between Uther and Merlin. Uther's temper rarely exploded into violence, but it did happen. Arthur had witnessed it. He'd even been on the receiving end on one memorable occasion. Arthur had instantly retaliated, hitting Uther's mouth harden enough to loosen his front tooth. Uther never raised a hand to Arthur after that. 

Merlin curled into the corner of the couch, legs and arms folded in on himself. Arthur didn't know him. The impish smile, the knowing light in his eyes, the barbed words, the sense of independence was gone. His thin body didn't made Arthur ache, it just looked like he'd been starving himself. His cheekbones weren't begging for Arthur's mouth, they just created sharp hollows for Merlin's tired eyes. He looked young. Frightened. 

"We met at the Juvenile Detention Center in Carson City. I'd already been there for three months. I went joy riding a few times, but the big ones were aggravated assault and attempted murder. I was sent to the detention center when I was fourteen and given the nature of my crimes, ordered to remain there until I turned eighteen." 

"Were you guilty of those crimes?" 

"Yes." 

"Who did you try to kill?" 

"My stepfather. He had it coming and I'd do it again. But he did survive. The defense tried to argue that I suffered from PTSD since he was pounding on me since I was four, but my mother wouldn't take the stand as a witness. Well, she couldn't. So I got locked up and Kanen took her and moved somewhere back east. I don't know. I haven't heard from her." 

"Never? But surely it can't be that difficult to find her. I'll find her if you want." 

Merlin shook his head. "Edwin was in detention for arson. He was a firebug, but he wasn't crazy. His parents had died in a house fire and I don't know, Gaius said he was trying to get some closure or something. We were in the same group therapy circle, and we just really...clicked. It was hard being in a place like that. Most of the other inmates were hardened criminals with serious rap sheets. I mean, me and him were pretty fucked up, but they were just scary. 

"Lance came to visit me every week. After a few months, I introduced him to Edwin, and they really got on. I know it might sound silly, but I really wanted Lance's approval. He was always...well, he's my hero. He always knows what to do, and he liked Edwin so...a lot of people liked Edwin. He had beautiful eyes and the nicest smile. He was scarred, too, but I barely noticed. He was my lifeline." 

And Merlin had loved him. That much was obvious. In fact, Merlin probably still loved him. 

"Edwin wanted to be a doctor. So when it was time for us to go to school, he dragged me to all the classes every day. He made me work. He was really driven, and the two of us had enough credits for our GED a year early. So then we started on college courses, and he was so fucking smart. He was a fucking genius." 

"What happened?" 

"I don't know. Six months before his eighteenth birthday, he became withdrawn. He didn't like school anymore. He didn't care about being a doctor. He ignored me. Lance figured out right away that there was something off about him. He started showing up three or four times a week just to talk to Edwin. I was jealous. Convinced there was something else going on. He needed help, Arthur, and I didn't know that, so I...he asked me to meet him one night. But I was pissed at him, so I didn't. I fucked a kid named Kay in the showers. I found Edwin in my room that night. He broke off a piece of the sink and sharpened into an edge and he..." 

"Merlin, whatever was going on with Edwin wasn't your fault. You have to know that."

 

"Yes, it was my fault. Saying again and again that it wasn't my fault doesn't actually change the fact that he needed me and I wasn't there. He should be starting med school now, and if I had been there, if I had loved him like he loved me, he'd still be alive. I was taking it up the ass while he was slicing his own wrists. In the bed...I mean it was my bed but it was our bed. I should have been there and I...I wasn't." 

 

Arthur leaned forward and then settled back against the couch, unsure of what he should do. He wanted to wrap Merlin in his arms and beg the younger man to understand that he wasn't a bad person. He wasn't to blame for his boyfriend's death. But Merlin was so covered in bruises and bad memories that Arthur couldn't convince himself he wanted to be pawed at. 

"After that, the court ordered me from a detention facility to a facility for constant psychiatric care and supervision. I was judged a harm to myself and others because of the multiple suicide attempts. I didn't care. I just wanted to be with Edwin. There didn't really seem any reason to be alive. Gaius was our session leader and he took over my care full time. Finally, Gaius convinced me that if I didn't shape up, they'd keep me after I was eighteen. So I pretended.

"I knew it would be easier to kill myself if they let me out of the hospital. I spent days imagining the different ways I could do it, all the time going through my treatments and grief counseling and promising Gaius I really did feel better." 

"But you're still alive. So did the treatments work?" 

"No, I found something I like better. Sex. Lance thought it was best to get out of Nevada after I turned eighteen. Despite my year of insanity, my GED and my other college credits netted me some scholarships and a few acceptance letters. There's money out there for people who want to turn their lives around. I just wanted to get to LA so I could indulge in my new favorite fixation. 

"The more sex I had, the more impersonal it became. Until it was nothing more to me than shaking hands. Gaius said it's an addiction, no different from getting myself hooked on crack or something, and I engaged in some seriously risky behaviors. I mean, I could have been killed, I was raped more than once, it didn't matter to me. When it hurt, I deserved it. And Uther...he gave me a way out. I liked Uther. I guess I didn't love him, but I didn't want to love him." 

"Did he know about any of this?" 

"No. The only person who does is Lancelot, and he promised he would never tell a soul. As far as Uther's concerned, I had a perfectly non-remarkable life. I've been getting myself tested on a regular basis, and I'm...I'm safe. So if you're worried...about what we did together...I shouldn't have. Fuck, I shouldn't have, but you're not in any serious danger." 

"And this is why we can't be together?" 

"I have a whole list of reasons, beginning with the fact that you're too good for me and ending with the fact that I don't want to destroy your life the way I destroyed my mother's and Edwin's." 

"Your mother married your stepfather. That wasn't your doing." 

"But when I tried to kill him and got myself arrested, that was it. She became completely isolated, dependent on him. She had to move when he told her to. She had no other options. If I had been a good son, the son she needed me to be, I could have at least been there for her. Maybe after I turned eighteen, she would have even let me help her." 

"Merlin...I'm not even sure where to begin." 

"Don't. Just go. Be thankful you got away from me before anything really bad happened. Find somebody who isn't all fucked up and selfish. Run your business and show Uther he was wrong to doubt you. Just...let me do one thing right."

No." 

Merlin's eyes widened at Arthur's calm denial. Hadn't he been listening? Didn't he hear anything Merlin said? He felt like he'd sliced his heart out of his chest and held it out to Arthur in supplication. It hurt every time he said Edwin's name, like twisting the knife deeper and deeper. But he'd been willing to live with the pain for the sake of making it clear to Arthur. Hadn't it been enough? 

"Arthur, listen to me." 

"No, I've listened to you. Now you're going to listen to me. If I walk out that door now, it'll be the same as saying you're right. And you are not right. You're being stupid." 

Merlin gaped at him. "Stupid? Calling me stupid isn't very nice." 

"It is when you're actually being stupid. You're mother was an adult woman who made her own choices. They were bad choices and if you want to help her, then I'll leave no stone unturned, but they were her choices. Not yours." 

"I'm an attempted murderer." 

"It sounds like it's a shame you weren't successful. And as for Edwin..." 

"Don't try to tell me anything about Edwin. You didn't know him." 

"You didn't kill him. Not unless you cut him yourself. There's no telling what he was thinking or why everything went wrong for him. But it wasn't you, Merlin." 

"You don't know that!" 

"And you'll never believe any differently, will you? You're convinced that you're right even though the two people you trust have probably told you otherwise."

"What happens when you need me and I'm not there?" 

"What makes you think that'd ever happen?" 

Merlin deflated feeling as stupid as Arthur thought him to be. "I guess I thought...I mean, it was clear Uther never really valued my opinion but I thought you cared..." 

Arthur knelt in front of him and took his shoulders. "I do care. I meant, what makes you think you'd not be there for me?" 

"Because I know me. I've been living with myself for twenty-two years." 

"Merlin, if you were as selfish as you think you are, you wouldn't care about hurting me. There's so much of your life left. You don't need to spend it alone all...self-loathing. And anyway, you don't know how this will work. You've never done it before." 

"Done what?" 

"Have an adult relationship with a mentally stable person who loves you." 

"Have you done that?" 

"Well, not exactly that. But I've been pretty close a few times. And I still want to try with you. Besides...I've already fucked up and failed you once. That means you get a freebie." 

"You didn't..." 

Arthur leaned forward and kissed Merlin's cheek. Even the delicate contact was enough to aggravate his tender skin, and it was all he could do to not wince away. "I shouldn't have left you. In fact, if that's the reason you want me to leave without you, I'd understand. I am so sorry, Merlin." 

"It's not your fault," Merlin said softly. 

"So sorry," Arthur repeated, kissing him again. 

"Arthur..." 

"I'm not leaving here without you. Not unless you can tell me you feeling nothing for me."

 

"You've got to stop kissing me." 

"Why?" 

"I can answer you if you're touching me with your mouth." 

"Do you want to know what I think?" 

"I already know what you think. You've told me enough times." 

Arthur smiled a little and nuzzled closer. Merlin was pulling tight, his spine bending upwards. He couldn't help it. Arthur was right there, and Merlin wanted to press into him and forget about the rest of the world. He wanted to bury his face in Arthur's neck and fuck him until the dark memories faded into irrelevancy. This was a dirty trick. Worse than a dirty trick, because he was supposed to be confessing everything to Arthur, and all his worst secrets didn't seem half as dangerous as his desire for Arthur's body. 

"I'll make you happy," Arthur whispered earnestly. "I'll never hurt you. I know it's only been a few weeks, but there's never been anybody else like you. What I feel now isn't going to change." 

Merlin could reiterate his list of regrets and failures, reasons why he'd never be with anybody for love, and the life Uther offered him truly was the best he could ever hope for. Wealth meant security and comfort. He could even buy a bit of happiness--Uther was that rich. But why waste his breath? Arthur clearly wasn't going to listen to him or common sense. But what if Arthur was mistaken? What if, what if, what if...

"I don't just want you for your money." 

"Okay." 

"I mean it. That's the first thing you said to me...that time in the car. That I could have your money. I don't want it." 

"Then I won't share any with you." 

"Good." 

"I'm lying by the way. I'll give you everything." 

"I'm beginning to wonder if you have more money than sense." 

"I thought you always held that opinion of me."

"I may have exaggerated my low opinion of your intelligence a tad." 

"So does this mean you're not going to kick me out?" 

"I'm not going to kick you out, Arthur Pendragon." 

"Then there's something I should tell you."

"What?" 

"I don't have any money. Buying out Uther is pretty much going to suck me dry, and since it's a construction company in a shitty economy, there's a good chance we'll be living in a cardboard box within the year." 

Merlin appreciated the warning for what it was, but he didn't believe for a second that Arthur would ever be reduced to that. Arthur was the sort who was born for greatness, which was just another reason for Merlin to run before he disappointed or destroyed him. 

"Lance will let us crash here." 

"So this place does have a spare bedroom?" 

"Yes, through that door." 

"Good." Arthur scooped Merlin up from the couch before Merlin could even squawk in protest. "I'd hate for him to get an eyeful."

 

Arthur undressed first. Merlin watched him from beneath the fringe of his lashes, staring at Arthur's perfect form without an openness he never risked before. Uther's presence didn't linger just outside the door, threatening to obliterate the fragile thing they were building between them. There were no more excuses, no more secrets to hide behind. 

Once Arthur shucked his clothes, he straddled Merlin's hips and reached for his t-shirt. Merlin bit his lip and allowed Arthur to pull it over his head and toss it to the floor. Uther hadn't used his fists or his belt, but he could still do damage with open-palmed slaps and the strength of his fingers. There were discolored oval marks across his throat and shoulders and hips from where Uther had gripped him, and Arthur's face turned an interesting shade of red. 

Instead of announcing that Uther would pay, Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin's shoulders and held him as he dipped his head. Cool air fanned across his skin with each soft exhale, and Arthur kissed each mark, reclaiming the bruised skin with the gentle intent of each caress. Merlin clung to Arthur's shoulders, hard enough to leave bruises of his own, and skimmed his mouth over Arthur's silky hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo and spicy aftershave. 

There had always been an undercurrent of anger in Arthur's touch, and Merlin had never been quite sure where it came from or who it belonged to. But that was gone now, all of his edges softening into something tolerable. Arthur pushed his hand between their stomach and yanked at his fly, freeing it with a grunt. He shoved Merlin's jeans down his hips, giving him just enough room to wrap his fingers around Merlin's cock. 

Arthur stroked Merlin's length, rocking forward each time he pumped his wrist. Arthur's cock dragged across his stomach, smearing pre-come over his skin. Merlin skimmed his palm over Arthur's crown, teasing the sensitive flesh and rubbing the thin fluid into his skin. Arthur moaned, leaving open-mouthed kisses over his throat and along his jaw. Merlin closed his eyes, swallowing every time Arthur flexed his fingers, fighting the growing tightness in his throat. 

They moved at the same time, Arthur dropping to the mattress and Merlin rolling over to straddle him. Merlin kicked and squirmed until he worked his pants down his legs and kicked them away. The hand that wasn't wrapped around his cock went to Merlin's hip and held him. Arthur massaged him with his fingertips--it was nothing. The smallest caress. Merlin gasped and rested his forehead on Arthur's shoulder, dizzy from pleasure and fear in equal parts. 

"I want you to fuck me," Arthur whispered, his tongue tracing over Merlin's earlobe. "Hard. Hard as you can." 

And that was all Merlin needed to hear. His entire existence and every shred of concentration focused in on Arthur's desire. His hips stuttered, his cock jerking against Arthur's hand, desperate for anything, even the unsatisfying friction of his palm. He needed something tighter and softer. Something so hot that it would burn the last of his doubts from his mind. 

Merlin slid down Arthur's body, wiggling until his stomach pressed to the mattress and his lips were within kissing distance of Arthur's cock. He loved the way Arthur's soap combined with his sweat and pre-come to make something soft and wholly unique to Arthur. He liked the taste of it on his tongue. He liked the moans that accompanied each slow lick as he gathered the salty fluid from Arthur's head. 

He hooked his hands under Arthur's thighs, forcing him to spread his legs wider and then pushing his knees, until he was completely open to Merlin. He sucked Arthur's crown between his lips for a final taste, then leaned back and used his thumbs to spread Arthur's cheeks, revealing his rapidly clenching hole. Merlin blew a stream of air over the muscle, then licked the ring with the very tip of his tongue. 

 

Arthur yelped at the first touch and bucked against Merlin's face. Merlin smiled to himself and teased Arthur's pucker, flicking his tongue over it until Arthur panted his name. Except he sounded more like he was pleading with Merlin, aching for something more that he couldn't quite articulate.   
He just needed to be fucked. Merlin obliged him, pushing his tongue past the tight ring. Arthur stiffened slightly at the penetration, but then he was windings his fingers in Merlin's hair, holding him while he rolled his hips. Merlin responded by tightening his grip on Arthur's thighs, forcing his legs even wider apart and plunging his tongue into Arthur's channel again.

Arthur went wild above him, thrashing and pushing against Merlin and generally turning into an octopus. It was all Merlin could do to keep him down on the bed, but the more Arthur lost it, the more Merlin ached to fuck him, until he was forced to thrust against the mattress, humping it like a horny kid on prom night. 

Arthur was growing more vocal with his appreciation, his deep voice rumbling over Merlin's skin. He looked up without lifting his head, trying to catch a glimpse of Arthur's face. It wasn't easy with all the thrashing, but it was worth the effort. Arthur looked completely lost, eyes rolled back, one hand clutching the headboard, every muscle taut and sinewy. Merlin loved Arthur, but he loved his body, and he wanted nothing more than to press against each lovely inch and claim it as his own. 

When Merlin judged Arthur close enough to the edge, he pulled his mouth from the quivering muscles and wrapped it around Arthur's cock. Arthur swiftly thrust forward, pushing right into the tightness of Merlin's throat. Merlin groaned and swallowed, relaxing his jaw to allow another inch. He pushed two fingers into Arthur's slick channel, humming around the shaft at the same moment he massaged Arthur's prostate.

Arthur's cock jerked and Merlin lifted his head so the hot come wouldn't flow down his throat. Some of it hit Merlin's chin, but he mostly caught it with his mouth and allowed it to slide back down Arthur's shaft. Arthur shuddered through his orgasm then slumped into the mattress. Merlin didn't know how a man flat on his back could slump, but Arthur managed it. 

Merlin pushed himself to his knees and collected the come with two fingers. He smeared it over the tip of his cock, slicking his skin as much as he could. Arthur watched him, body loose-limbed, blue eyes sharp under heavy lids. Merlin slid into him with a smooth stroke, pushing until he was buried to the root. 

"Still want me to fuck you hard?" Merlin rasped.

Arthur nodded, rocking his hips to urge him on. Maybe if Merlin had ever felt like this with anybody else, he wouldn't be so willing to call the hot flood of emotion rushing through him love. Maybe if every thrust of his hips didn't take him higher than he'd ever been in his life. Maybe if Arthur didn't wrap around him and strain against him and buck under him with such fervor. Maybe if he felt a little less awe at the fact that Arthur even wanted Merlin's touch.

Merlin drilled into Arthur, using his willing body to exorcise the darker feelings that still filtered through him. He wished he could just fuck it all out of his system, until everything bad had been scooped away and replaced with Arthur. But Arthur let him get close to that, whispering encouragement with every breath. Faster Merlin...oh like that...oh yes...oh yes...oh yes all of it...give me everything. 

That's what Arthur wanted from him. Everything. The thought was almost too much to take, and a shiver of fear made his hips stutter. Arthur moved his hand to Merlin's ass, palming him until his rhythm steadied again. He licked at the sweat on Merlin's jaw before shoving his tongue into Merlin's mouth in a sloppy, reassuring kiss. 

The scrape of Arthur's teeth across his tongue made his balls pull tight. Arthur must have sensed that it'd all be over soon. He tensed and rolled Merlin to his back, using his greater weight to pin Merlin to the bed without releasing him. He slammed himself down on Merlin's length, spine arching with satisfaction. Merlin could only take two more of those hard thrusts before he shot his load, cock twitching endlessly.

 

Arthur's skin was gleaming, slick with sweat when he finally collapsed on Merlin. It was nice to stay there, trapped but comfortable, overheated and trying to catch his breath without the fear of being caught hanging over his head. He even let himself doze a little, his exhausted brain disengaging from his body. He didn't fall back to earth until Arthur rolled away from him, giving his damp skin a chance to dry. 

"Arthur?" 

"Hmm?" 

"You're still Uther's heir, right? He's not going to cut you off completely after that fight you had?"

"I thought you don't care about money." 

"Oh, I don't." Merlin propped himself up on his elbow. "But if we end up in a cardboard box, I want to be able to look forward to happier days." 

"If he dies and it turns out he did write me out of the will, I'll contest it." 

"You're not going to get bored with me now that you have me, right?" 

Arthur chuckled, touching Merlin's cheek fondly. "Merlin, if I'm certain of anything, it's that I'll never find you boring." 

Merlin decided to take that as a compliment and curl into Arthur's side. He might change his mind in the morning about the feasibility of their life together. He might be tempted to fall back into old habits because at least he understood them. He might be tempted to take the easy road and check out of the relationship that would require a full commitment from him. But the next morning was still a long time off, and in that moment, Merlin was within grasp of a truly new beginning.


End file.
